Peer Reflections

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  • What is Emotional Regulation

    In this post, we’ll explore what emotional regulation is, why it’s so challenging to define, and why processing our emotions is essential for our well-being.

    Emotional regulation is a term often used in the mental health world to describe how we manage and control our emotions “effectively.” I’ve sometimes found this definition frustrating because words like “effectively” and “socially acceptable” are subjective. What’s effective for one person might not be for another.

    Real Life Examples:

    It’s a normal day at work, and you’re called into the HR department at the end of your shift. You’re told your position is being cut, and you’re being let go. One person might respond by raising their voice, packing up their desk in frustration and disbelief. Another might cry quietly, overwhelmed by uncertainty about what’s next. Yet another might smile, feeling a sense of relief and freedom. So, which of these reactions demonstrates emotional regulation? It might surprise you to know that all three are valid.

    This idea of effective emotional management becomes even murkier when we consider how different cultures and individuals respond to the same emotions. Consider Jessica Chastain ripping off her shirt in celebration after a soccer victory. For her, it was a raw, powerful expression of joy—a moment where passion and triumph took center stage. Yet, some were offended by her display. This paradox illustrates how emotional regulation is deeply subjective, shaped not only by individual beliefs but also by cultural and societal norms.

    In one part of the world, expressing intense emotions might be celebrated—tears of joy, exuberant cheers, or even wild displays of triumph like shaking champagne bottles and spraying everyone after a championship win or shooting a gun in the air.  In another, such displays might be seen as excessive, aggressive or even disrespectful.

    Interesting Paradigm

    This makes emotional regulation a fickle concept, influenced by where you live, who you’re around, and the shared beliefs of your environment. Navigating what’s considered “appropriate” emotional expression can feel like walking a fine line. How do we balance our authentic emotional responses with societal expectations, especially when those expectations vary so widely? It’s an interesting paradigm.

    While we can’t fully untangle the paradox of emotional regulation, it’s important to acknowledge its complexities as we explore the topic. Emotional regulation isn’t about following a rigid rulebook of ‘acceptable’ behavior—it’s about noticing, validating, and processing our emotions in ways that support our well-being. Left unchecked, emotions can grow into larger challenges, but when tended to, they become tools for understanding ourselves and connecting with others.

    In next week’s Peer Reflections post, we’ll explore some common myths about emotions, breaking down misconceptions that might be holding you back from embracing your emotional responses.

  • Lessons From The Northern Lights

    Photo by Shannon

    Capturing the Northern Lights has been a passion of mine for nearly a decade. It’s not only a challenging hobby but one that has fostered a deep appreciation for the sun and the science behind the aurora. The magic of the Northern Lights lies in the beauty brought forth from the sun’s volatile, ever-changing state.

    Did you know that when a solar event occurs, igniting the Northern Lights in our atmosphere, they can dance both day and night? Of course, we can only see their delicate movements when the sun sets and darkness takes over the sky.

    It’s in the darkness that we get to witness the breathtaking dance of molecules colliding and creating something extraordinary.

    Similarly, it was during my darkest hours that I found the beauty of my light. My volatile emotions had often confused and trapped me, leaving me feeling caged by my own feelings. But when I finally took the time to investigate and understand my outbursts and anguish, something shifted. My light was revealed.

    I discovered that I am an incredibly passionate person. My emotions, while big and sometimes overwhelming, have a purpose. Learning this about myself allowed me to uncover the best parts of who I am.

    If you find yourself surrounded by darkness and burdened by pain, take heart. Sometimes the hardest, most painful parts of yourself will become the very things you come to cherish the most. Just as the Northern Lights emerge from the chaos of the sun, your light will shine in its own time.

    .

  • Thankful For Day Treatment

    Grateful for the Day Treatment Program

    I don’t think I’ve mentioned this yet, but attending the day treatment program truly changed my life, and I’m deeply grateful for the nudge to attend—even though at the time it made me feel broken. The truth was, I was struggling with serious and persistent mental health issues. At first, attending was something I had to do. But at some point in the middle, I decided to fully commit and try the skills and suggestions being offered.

    It was through the trial-and-error phase that I learned the most about myself and experienced the most growth. The cool thing is, I can now see both sides of the coin. It would have been amazing to write a letter to my past self, to let her know that things would get better, that there would come a day when I would be proud of myself and have compassion for myself.

    Hindsight is a powerful place to observe, but it reignites a fire within me to continue sharing these stories of hardship and struggle. The world is full of people who suffer and struggle, and having been there, my heart breaks for both the pain of others and the old me.

    It makes sense now why I did things the way I did and made the choices I made back then. Being on this side of healing doesn’t make life any less challenging or problem-free, but I am grateful that I’ve learned to use the skills I gained to not only survive—but to thrive.

    And now, I feel called to share my journey with others—those just beginning their own paths or those currently in the depths of pain. There’s always room for the hard and ugly moments in life, and down the road, those struggles can actually become your superpower.

  • Welcome to February: Emotional Regulation

    Life Before Emotional Regulation

    I’ve always been told that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Growing up, this wasn’t just a casual observation—it was a fact of life. A moment my family loves to bring up, now a running joke, is a memory that has lived rent-free in my mind for years. 

    When I was a child, maybe a preteen, my family attended one of my brother’s little league baseball games. My parents had recently bought a camcorder, and they brought it along to capture memories to share with my grandma. I was sitting on the ground, knees pulled up to my chest, holding a purple Blow Pop. At some point, the camera panned to me, and my mom or dad said, “Say hi to Grandma!”

    I looked up with the most annoyed expression in the world and, in the flattest tone imaginable, said, “Hi, Grandma. I’m feeling fine.” The sarcasm in my voice was unmistakable. I was clearly not “fine,” and whatever had upset me was written all over my face.

    Even as an adult, I carried this inability to hide my emotions. I’d attend events out of obligation, and people could immediately tell I wasn’t okay. I couldn’t put on a mask or fake a smile—it just wasn’t in me. But the problem went deeper than just looking annoyed or upset.

    I wore my emotions so much so that I allowed them to control my actions and moods. When I was crabby or frustrated, I’d snap. My emotions were explosive, and I felt out of control. So many times, it felt like my heart was wrapped in a suffocating wool sweater. Nothing I did seemed to calm me down. Once, I snapped at my child for chewing their food too loudly. I was tightly wound, and the smallest misstep or breath would ignite the volcano inside me. My emotions were explosive and I felt out of control.

    The Turning Point

    Fast forward 10 years. I found myself in a day treatment program, trying to make sense of my emotions and behaviors. Each day began with a group meeting, where we’d sit in a large circle and answer a series of questions designed to help us explore our emotional states and intentions for the day.

    One of the questions we’ve already discussed is, What is one thing you are grateful for? (You can read more about gratitude here). This month, though, we’re going to focus on another important question that was asked of us each day: What are you feeling today?

    This question, along with others that were asked, laid the foundation for deeper self-awareness. But it wasn’t just about answering the question—it was about understanding what I was feeling and, more importantly, why I was feeling that way.

    At first, this question stumped me. Much like gratitude, I struggled to answer it. Some days, I felt like a toddler trying to name my emotions, fumbling for the right words. It might sound silly—a grown woman in her thirties unable to describe her feelings—but it was my reality. Looking back, it’s no wonder why day treatment was recommended for me.

    There was one rule in this exercise: we couldn’t say good, fine, bad, or okay. These were my go-to responses, and suddenly, I was forced to dig deeper.

    Setting the Stage for Emotional Regulation

    That simple, yet profound question—What are you feeling today?—was the beginning of my journey toward understanding emotional regulation. It laid the groundwork for me to not only recognize my emotions but to label them, process them, and ultimately manage them.

    Through this month and next, we’re going to explore the concept of emotional regulation. We’ll talk about the importance of identifying our emotions, the balance it brings to our hearts, and the tools we can use to navigate emotional storms. Together, we’ll start building a foundation for greater emotional awareness and well-being.

    Stay tuned as we dive deeper into the how and why of emotional regulation. It’s not just about answering a question—it’s about transforming the way we understand and handle our emotions.

  • Tunnel of Despair

    Digital Art by Shannon

    Tunnel of Despair
    This image captures the essence of despair while illuminating the light of hope that waits at the end of the tunnel. The contrast of darkness and light symbolizes the delicate dance between depression and hope—how even small sparks of validation, support, and resilience can begin to calm the storm within and guide us forward.

    The twists and swirls within the image represent life’s roller coaster of emotions—hard days and easier days blending together in an unpredictable journey. Though the darkness lingers, the light intertwines with it, showing that hope doesn’t mean erasing struggles but learning to live alongside them. It’s about nurturing the light while making space for the darkness, honoring both the struggles and the triumphs that shape us rather than define us.

    Recovery is not linear, and the pull to retreat into the safety of darkness can feel overwhelming. But with perseverance, time, skills, and support, the path forward becomes more manageable—and even joyful. A tiny spark of light, no matter how faint, can grow, transforming your journey one step at a time. The pride, warmth, and peace that come after navigating through despair are powerful and contagious. Keep walking toward the light, because thriving is always within reach.

  • Gratitude Reflections: Pet Peeve

    If you’ve ever struggled with mental health and been fortunate enough to have someone to talk to during depression or hard days, you might have heard the phrase, “But you have so much to be thankful for.” While the intention behind these words is likely to offer comfort and support, for someone in the midst of a struggle, they can feel more like a slap in the face.

    The first time someone said this to me during my struggle, I felt like the smallest human in the world. I was already drowning in harmful, endless mind chatter: You’re a burden. No one understands you. You’re completely alone. These words, meant to comfort, only pushed me further into the hole of darkness I was trying to escape.

    In moments like these, gratitude felt impossible. I wasn’t thankful for anything because my focus was consumed by just wanting the suffering to end. Hearing about all the things I “should” be grateful for only made it worse, because I wasn’t thankful for them—and that felt like yet another failure on my part.

    In fact, the things I should have felt gratitude for were the very things I felt worst about. Being a mom felt impossible because I had nothing left to give. I felt like I was disappointing my husband by not keeping up with my marital duties. I convinced myself that my family would be better off without me. In the depths of that darkness, those words of “encouragement” only deepened my pain.

    What Would Have Helped Instead

    Down the road, I discovered phrases that were far more helpful. Simple, validating statements like:

    • “That’s a hard place to be in.”
    • “I know life feels heavy right now, but it can get better. What’s one thing you can do today for self-care?”
    • “How can I help?”

    Validation is such an underused superpower. It was exactly what I needed more of. For someone on the outside, it might have seemed like my misery was self-induced, but depression is a mental illness—my brain was fighting against my heart, and it was winning. The dark, distorted thoughts felt so real that I accepted them as truth. The only way out for me was professional and medical support.

    What to Avoid

    It’s hard for many people to understand that depression and mental illness aren’t about willpower or lack of faith. Telling someone they just need to pray more, or that they’re struggling because they’ve fallen away from God, isn’t helpful—it’s harmful.

    Pointing out someone’s struggles with addiction, drinking, or other coping mechanisms as the root of their problem also isn’t the answer. For someone deep in depression’s grip, drinking or other numbing behaviors might be the only way they know to shut off the overwhelming thoughts. These moments aren’t the time for interventions or lectures.

    What We Really Need

    In the darkest times, what we need most is someone to sit with us. To listen. To remind us that we are not alone. That our load is heavy, but we don’t have to carry it by ourselves.

    We need someone to cover us with love, to remind us that we are worthy, and to support us in seeking the help we need. PTSD research shows that those who struggle often experience real, physical changes in their brain. This isn’t a fault or a failure.

    We need to feel like we’re not a burden or an inconvenience. Sometimes, simply having someone acknowledge that truth can make all the difference. Together, we can lighten the load, and step by step, find a way to win the battle over the mind

    .

  • Closing January: Gratitude as a Foundation

    We’ve reached the final week of January, and this month has been all about exploring the skill of gratitude. The process may have seemed slow at times, but breaking things down into small, manageable steps allows us to truly understand what gratitude is as a practice and why it can be so beneficial to begin. Gratitude is simple, personal, and transformative.

    Taking the time to reflect and set our intentions for our own gratitude journey gives the practice meaning and purpose in our lives. It isn’t about perfection or meeting some external standard; it’s about finding those small moments that bring light and warmth, even in the darkest times.

    Now that we’ve laid the foundation together, it’s time to shift gears. But please know that gratitude will remain a central part of this space. Every Wednesday, I’ll continue to share Gratitude Reflections—posts dedicated to my own gratitude journey, insights, and the lessons I’ve learned. I hope these reflections will inspire and encourage you to keep exploring gratitude in your own life, too.

    Why We Began with Gratitude

    Gratitude was the first skill that truly changed my life during some of my darkest mental health struggles. It was the practice of gratitude that helped me shift from a pattern of negative thinking to a more optimistic and hopeful mindset.

    That’s why I chose to start with gratitude here on the blog. It’s a foundational skill, one that can help pave the way for other skills and practices we’ll explore together. By taking the time this month to focus on gratitude, we’ve laid the groundwork for what’s to come.

    Looking Ahead to February

    As we move into February, our focus will transition to understanding emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is a crucial skill for managing mental health and navigating life’s ups and downs. While gratitude helps us shift our perspective, emotional regulation helps us manage and respond to the emotions we experience along the way.

    This doesn’t mean we’re leaving gratitude behind—it will continue to weave through everything we discuss. Each skill we explore builds on the last, creating a toolkit you can use to support yourself in your journey.

    Thank you for being here this month as we’ve explored gratitude together. I hope you’ve found moments of inspiration and connection in the process. Let’s carry the light of gratitude forward as we take our next steps into February.

  • My Practice of Gratitude

    When I first began practicing gratitude, I didn’t have any grand plans or lofty expectations. My intention was simple: to just try it and see what would happen. At first, I found joy in random, seemingly insignificant things—a piece of grass on the stairs that looked like a smile, or a cloud shaped like a turtle.

    This practice unexpectedly transformed my life. As I began noticing and being grateful for small, quirky things, my focus started to shift. I found myself laughing more, often at things others might consider silly—like a rock that resembled a meatball from last night’s dinner. That laughter, though, became a cornerstone of my mental health recovery.

    Experimenting With Gratitude

    I’ll admit, my gratitude journal attempts were a bit of a rollercoaster. I started one about a million times, only for my entries to trail off after a couple of weeks. Instead of judging myself for not sticking to it, I decided to explore other methods.

    One day, I stumbled upon an old hobby from my school days: collaging. I flipped through magazines, cutting out words, phrases, flowers, and birds that brought me joy, and glued them onto paper. It was fun, creative, and personal. For a while, this became my go-to practice until self-doubt crept in. “I’m a grown adult making collages,” I thought, and I stopped.

    But the joy of that practice stayed with me. Later, I discovered mixed media art and found a way to combine my love of words and creativity. This practice allowed me to explore gratitude in a way that felt authentic and fulfilling.

    A Word Nerd’s Approach

    Being a self-proclaimed word nerd, I’ve always turned to words to make sense of the world. As part of my gratitude journey, I looked up the word grateful in the dictionary and wrote down its definition. Then, I dug into the thesaurus for synonyms and antonyms.

    This exercise became a meaningful ritual. Synonyms helped me see gratitude from new angles, while antonyms reminded me of what gratitude is not—helping me focus on the positivity I wanted to cultivate in my life. This practice of exploring words gave me a deeper connection to gratitude and became a way to ground myself during tough times.

    Gratitude Through Connection

    Most recently, my gratitude practice has evolved into something more outward-focused. I’ve started expressing gratitude directly to others, letting them know how they’ve inspired or impacted me. Whether it’s a simple thank-you or a heartfelt note, I hope to remind people that they matter. Even if they shrug it off, my intention is to show them how much of a difference they’re making just by being themselves.

    Finding Your Own Path

    Gratitude looks different for everyone, and that’s what makes it so special. My journey has been filled with trial and error, moments of joy, and even a few laughs along the way. Whether it’s journaling, creating art, exploring words, or connecting with others, I encourage you to find the practice that resonates most with you.

    What about you? How do you practice gratitude? Share your intentions, your favorite methods, or even the funny, quirky things you’ve noticed along the way.

  • The Practice of Gratitude

    The first step in practicing gratitude is noticing. Our busy lives often become so routine that we stop paying attention to the little things—the smell of coffee brewing, a kind smile from a loved one, or a fleeting moment of quiet before the day begins.

    When I started practicing gratitude, I didn’t overhaul my routine or carve out hours for reflection. Instead, I found a simple way to integrate it into my day. Every morning, as I poured my coffee, I would pause for just a few seconds to think of one thing I was grateful for. Some days, it was as small as the warmth of the mug in my hands.

    I once knew someone who had a powerful yet subtle way of practicing gratitude. Whenever they shared about the difficult things in life, they would place a hand over their heart. When I asked about this, they explained it was their way of expressing gratitude in the moment—thankful that others were willing to share their struggles, which helped them feel less alone. Other times, it was gratitude for the challenges they were facing, recognizing that their burdens could be more overwhelming. This small, personal gesture spoke volumes without anyone else needing to know its significance.

    How to Get Started

    Life is busy. Most of us operate on autopilot—waking up, rushing through our mornings, working long hours, and juggling endless responsibilities. By the time the weekend arrives, we’re either too exhausted to enjoy it or scrambling to meet other obligations.

    Our routines are full, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s within those routines that we can begin to practice gratitude. It doesn’t require a complete lifestyle change or a big time commitment—just a small moment to pause and notice.

    Before diving into gratitude practices, I encourage you to reflect on your intention. Why do you want to practice gratitude? For some, it’s tied to their spiritual or religious beliefs. For others, it’s about learning to live in the moment or bringing more joy into their daily lives. Setting your intention can make the practice more meaningful and keep you grounded as you begin this journey.

    Once you’ve set your intention, explore the many ways to practice gratitude. And remember, make these practices your own. For example, if you aim to write down three things you’re grateful for each day but miss a day (or two), don’t let it discourage you. Life is busy, and this journey isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. There’s no such thing as failing at gratitude. Each small effort is a step toward greater awareness and appreciation.

    Methods of Exploring Gratitude

    Gratitude is a deeply personal practice, and there’s no “one size fits all” approach.

    A friend of mine, when starting her gratitude journey, created a mind map. She wrote the word Grateful in the center of a page and branched out to different areas of her life—family, work, nature, and small joys—writing down something in each category she could appreciate.

    Another friend kept it even simpler: every time someone held the door open for them, they silently practiced gratitude in that moment.

    Both approaches worked because they felt natural and sustainable for each person’s lifestyle. Gratitude is most impactful when it aligns with your daily rhythm.

    Ideas for Practicing Gratitude

    • Journaling: Write down three things you’re grateful for at the end of each day.
    • Lists: Keep a running gratitude list on your phone or in a notebook.
    • 3-Second Pause: Mentally name one thing you’re grateful for before starting a new task.
    • Gratitude Jar: Write small notes of gratitude throughout the week and drop them in a jar. Reflect on them later.
    • Letters of Appreciation: Write a letter to a loved one expressing your gratitude for their presence in your life.

    Your Turn

    If you feel comfortable, share your intentions. What do you hope to gain from practicing gratitude? Are there methods you’re excited to try? Or, if you’ve been practicing gratitude for many seasons, what adjustments have you made as your journey evolved?

  • How Gratitude Transformed My Life

    Gratitude has transformed my life. It shifted my negative thinking and allowed me to see beyond my own struggles. If you’ve experienced—or know someone who has dealt with—depression or other mental health challenges, you know how hard it can be to regulate emotions, form thoughts, or see the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. For me, gratitude became that tiny glimmer of hope I needed to keep moving forward.

    I’ve always valued authenticity, and I refused to fake it. I wasn’t about to say, “I’m grateful for the sun because it brings warmth to the earth,” when, deep down, I didn’t care. There were days when the world could’ve frozen over, and it wouldn’t have mattered to me. That’s the reality of struggling with mental health—it’s hard to feel anything when everything feels bleak and lifeless.

    I remember conversations about “just going through the motions” or “faking it until you make it.” Gratitude didn’t feel real to me, and I struggled to believe I could ever develop an “attitude of gratitude.” But I was challenged to just start—even if it felt fake.

    When I began practicing gratitude, I was skeptical. I remember pouring my morning coffee and muttering sarcastically, “I’m grateful for my coffee, I guess.” It felt forced and insincere, like just another buzzword everyone was throwing around. It took weeks—weeks—before I could name one thing I genuinely felt thankful for.

    I’m sharing this not to discourage anyone who already practices gratitude but to acknowledge those who feel like it’s out of reach. Maybe you’re someone who smiles on the outside while feeling lonely and lost inside. Maybe life feels overwhelming, and gratitude seems like just another “quick fix.” If this is you, please know you’re not alone.

    This space is peer-led, meaning I’ve been there too. I understand the darkness, the doubts, and the frustration. Healing doesn’t happen by forcing yourself to be grateful; it begins with acknowledging where you are right now. There’s no shame in struggling or in finding gratitude hard to grasp.

    The amazing thing about gratitude, though, is that the more you practice, the easier it becomes to find those little glimmers of hope. That sarcastic “thank you” for my coffee seven years ago? It was the start of a journey that has since led to moments of genuine connection and appreciation.

    Just the other day, I stopped by a coworker’s office to thank them for their energy and consistency. I told them how much I appreciated the way they care for others and show up every day. Did it make their day? I don’t know. But I hope my words reminded them they are seen, valued, and making a difference.

    Gratitude is powerful. It starts small and grows in unexpected ways. So if you’re curious about gratitude but don’t know where to begin, just start where you are. Be curious about what gratitude might look like for you. You never know how those small moments might shift your perspective and bring light into your life.

    Your Turn:
    What does gratitude mean to you? Is there something you’re curious about or want to explore further? If you’re hesitant, that’s okay. Start small and allow yourself the grace to grow into it. Who knows where the journey might take you?