Peer Reflections

Nurturing Wellness through Creativity and Compassion
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Tag: noticing

  • Getting to Know: Happiness

    Happiness: A Fleeting Feeling or a Piece of the Puzzle?

    Happiness is one of the most sought-after emotions, yet it remains one of the most misunderstood. Unlike fear, which keeps us safe, or sadness, which allows us to process loss, happiness doesn’t seem to have a survival function. It often feels fleeting, appearing in bursts—when we hear our favorite song, experience an exciting moment, or spend time in a place that feels magical.

    Think about it—many of our most “happy” moments come from vacations, theme parks, concerts, or special events, places designed to pull us out of our daily routines. A trip to Disneyland, for example, is crafted to create a sense of magic, nostalgia, and joy. It’s an environment free from stressors like bills, deadlines, or the unpredictability of daily life. And yet, the moment we leave, reality settles back in. If happiness only exists in spaces detached from real life, then it can’t be the goal—it’s not sustainable.

    What is Happiness?

    Happiness is commonly defined as a state of pleasure, joy, or satisfaction. It can be triggered by external events, such as a fun trip, a delicious meal, or an accomplishment. However, happiness is not a permanent state—it comes and goes like any other emotion. The way society portrays happiness often makes it seem like an ultimate destination, something we must strive for and hold onto, but in reality, happiness is momentary, just like sadness, anger, or fear.

    What Does Happiness Feel Like in the Body?

    Happiness manifests physically in many ways:

    • A lightness in the chest
    • Relaxed muscles
    • A genuine smile or laughter
    • Increased energy
    • A sense of warmth or excitement
    • A release of stress or tension

    Just as we notice the tension of anxiety or the heaviness of sadness, recognizing happiness in the body can help us appreciate it when it arises, even if only briefly.

    How to Cultivate Happiness

    Since happiness is fleeting, the focus shouldn’t be on trying to make it last forever, but rather on creating space for it to naturally occur. Some ways to invite happiness into daily life include:

    • Gratitude: Acknowledging small joys, like a warm cup of coffee or a kind conversation.
    • Mindfulness: Being present in the moment rather than waiting for happiness to come later.
    • Connection: Spending time with loved ones and engaging in meaningful conversations.
    • Engaging in Enjoyable Activities: Doing things that bring natural enjoyment, such as hobbies, music, or nature walks.

    Rethinking Happiness: The Role of Contentment

    Happiness is often presented as the ultimate goal, yet it remains fleeting—arriving in bursts, then fading. Unlike emotions like fear or anger, which serve clear survival purposes, happiness doesn’t seem essential for protection or problem-solving. So, what is its purpose?

    Perhaps happiness isn’t meant to be constant. Instead, it is the peak of an emotional wave, while contentment is the steady ground beneath it. Instead of chasing happiness as an all-or-nothing state, we might focus on cultivating contentment—a lasting sense of peace and balance. Contentment doesn’t mean life is perfect; it means we are okay even in the midst of challenges. It allows us to experience happiness when it comes, without the pressure to make it stay.

    Happiness can be big and loud—laughter, excitement, joyful energy. But it can also be small and quiet—a smirk, the warmth of the sun after a storm, the first sip of coffee. Happiness, in any form, is valid. Instead of asking, “Am I happy?” maybe the real question is, “Am I content?” Because contentment can carry us through even the hardest moments, making space for happiness to visit—without needing it to stay.

    *As a side note, I feel a conversation on joy might need to come into play eventually, but for now, we can begin to notice these few main emotions and investigate them with curiosity.

  • Emotional Regulation: Fear

    Getting To Know Fear

    Fear is an interesting emotion; it can arise from a legitimate situation or a perceived threat. This makes fear a very complex emotion. In many ways, fear acts like an internal alarm system. The brain sends signals to the body, prompting automatic reactions. Most people are familiar with the fight-or-flight response, but there are also two other reactions: freeze and fawn.

    Fear is highly individualized. Some people seek it out—watching horror movies or chasing adrenaline through thrill-seeking activities. Others, like me, prefer to avoid it. I don’t even enjoy watching others engage in stunts, and even just seeing a trailer for a horror film can give me nightmares. This is where curiosity and noticing come into play.

    When we notice a threat, real or imagined, our body responds automatically: we might start to sweat, our hands may feel clammy, our heart races, and our breathing becomes shallow. For some, these sensations can trigger an anxiety or panic attack. Fear, when unchecked, can also manifest into phobias or generalized anxiety. It can stem from past experiences, trauma, or the fear of losing control.

    How to Cope with Fear

    This is where noticing becomes a valuable tool. I once had friends who loved horror movies. Thinking I could handle it, I joined them to watch Thinner by Stephen King. That decision led to months of nightmares. I realized that scary movies are not for me. The emotional rollercoaster and lingering effects weren’t worth it. Through noticing, I also discovered that haunted houses and jump scares are not my thing—I hate being scared.

    Coping with fear is a challenge. I try my best to remind myself to breathe and, if a situation is too overwhelming, I give myself permission to leave. Those who experience anxiety, panic, or PTSD might be more sensitive to fear, making it even more crucial to develop coping strategies.

    Interestingly, I’ve noticed that when a real threat arises, my body responds in different ways. If the threat involves someone I love, I am ready to fight. If the threat is directed at me, I have sometimes found myself fawning—a response shaped by past experiences. One thing I know for sure: the more I focus on fear, the bigger it becomes.

    Preparing for Fear Without Letting It Take Over

    Just like we prepare for tornadoes in the Midwest—having a safety kit, knowing where to take shelter, and staying weather-aware—we can also prepare for fear in healthy ways. The key is balance. Refreshing the radar every two minutes during a storm crosses into obsession, just as avoiding driving all winter might be letting fear take control. Preparation is empowering, but when fear dictates our actions entirely, it becomes limiting.

    Here are some ways to prepare for fear without letting it rule your life:

    Key notes

    1. Have a Fear Plan
      Just like an emergency plan for severe weather, you can create a plan for situations that trigger fear. Ask yourself:
      • What is my fear telling me?
      • What steps can I take to feel safer?
      • Who can I reach out to for support?
      • What is within my control, and what is not?
    2. Ground Yourself in Reality
      Fear thrives in uncertainty. If you find yourself caught in a spiral of what-ifs, try grounding techniques:
      • Five Senses Check-in: Name five things you see, four things you touch, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste.
      • Fact vs. Fiction: Ask yourself, “What are the actual facts, and what is my fear assuming?”
    3. Take Incremental Steps
      If fear is stopping you from doing something, break it down into small, manageable steps. For example:
      • If driving in winter terrifies you, start by taking short, local drives on clear days and gradually build your confidence.
      • If social anxiety keeps you from attending events, start with brief interactions and build from there.
    4. Set Boundaries with Fear
      It’s okay to acknowledge fear, but it doesn’t have to dictate your choices. Think of it as setting a boundary:
      • Healthy Fear: “I won’t drive in an ice storm because it’s unsafe.”
      • Fear Taking Over: “I won’t drive at all this winter because something bad might happen.”
    5. Practice Self-Compassion
      Fear isn’t weakness—it’s a natural response. Instead of judging yourself for being afraid, try saying:
      • “It’s okay to feel this way.”
      • “Fear is trying to protect me, but I am safe.”
      • “I can make choices that support both my safety and my growth.”

    By preparing for fear the same way we prepare for storms—thoughtfully, without obsession—we can navigate life’s uncertainties with more confidence and resilience.

    Tune in tomorrow as I share more of my personal walk with fear..

  • Through The Lens: Ice & Emotions

    Photo by Shannon

    Through the Lens: Ice and Emotions

    The ice on Lake Superior can do some pretty impressive things. Waves push shards onto the shore, shifting and moving them miles down the coast in a matter of days—or even hours. The ice on Lake Superior is both unstable and magnificent at the same time.

    With camera in hand and ice cleats attached, I take a calculated risk to capture the shards that fascinate me. The details, the shapes, the color—I am drawn in, mesmerized by their raw beauty. As I stand there, I reflect on the way emotions are similar to these ice shards…

    Emotions can feel sharp. They can feel cold, catching you off guard. They shift, they spike, they fall, they freeze—emotions are notorious for being unpredictable.

    We can put all our energy into controlling or suppressing them, trying to force them into a box. Or we can choose to observe them as they shift.

    As emotions rise and fall, I remind myself that managing them is a lot like observing the ice on Superior. I am both fearful of the fragile space they claim and in awe of their beauty and arrangement.

  • What is Emotional Regulation

    In this post, we’ll explore what emotional regulation is, why it’s so challenging to define, and why processing our emotions is essential for our well-being.

    Emotional regulation is a term often used in the mental health world to describe how we manage and control our emotions “effectively.” I’ve sometimes found this definition frustrating because words like “effectively” and “socially acceptable” are subjective. What’s effective for one person might not be for another.

    Real Life Examples:

    It’s a normal day at work, and you’re called into the HR department at the end of your shift. You’re told your position is being cut, and you’re being let go. One person might respond by raising their voice, packing up their desk in frustration and disbelief. Another might cry quietly, overwhelmed by uncertainty about what’s next. Yet another might smile, feeling a sense of relief and freedom. So, which of these reactions demonstrates emotional regulation? It might surprise you to know that all three are valid.

    This idea of effective emotional management becomes even murkier when we consider how different cultures and individuals respond to the same emotions. Consider Jessica Chastain ripping off her shirt in celebration after a soccer victory. For her, it was a raw, powerful expression of joy—a moment where passion and triumph took center stage. Yet, some were offended by her display. This paradox illustrates how emotional regulation is deeply subjective, shaped not only by individual beliefs but also by cultural and societal norms.

    In one part of the world, expressing intense emotions might be celebrated—tears of joy, exuberant cheers, or even wild displays of triumph like shaking champagne bottles and spraying everyone after a championship win or shooting a gun in the air.  In another, such displays might be seen as excessive, aggressive or even disrespectful.

    Interesting Paradigm

    This makes emotional regulation a fickle concept, influenced by where you live, who you’re around, and the shared beliefs of your environment. Navigating what’s considered “appropriate” emotional expression can feel like walking a fine line. How do we balance our authentic emotional responses with societal expectations, especially when those expectations vary so widely? It’s an interesting paradigm.

    While we can’t fully untangle the paradox of emotional regulation, it’s important to acknowledge its complexities as we explore the topic. Emotional regulation isn’t about following a rigid rulebook of ‘acceptable’ behavior—it’s about noticing, validating, and processing our emotions in ways that support our well-being. Left unchecked, emotions can grow into larger challenges, but when tended to, they become tools for understanding ourselves and connecting with others.

    In next week’s Peer Reflections post, we’ll explore some common myths about emotions, breaking down misconceptions that might be holding you back from embracing your emotional responses.

  • Lessons From The Northern Lights

    Photo by Shannon

    Capturing the Northern Lights has been a passion of mine for nearly a decade. It’s not only a challenging hobby but one that has fostered a deep appreciation for the sun and the science behind the aurora. The magic of the Northern Lights lies in the beauty brought forth from the sun’s volatile, ever-changing state.

    Did you know that when a solar event occurs, igniting the Northern Lights in our atmosphere, they can dance both day and night? Of course, we can only see their delicate movements when the sun sets and darkness takes over the sky.

    It’s in the darkness that we get to witness the breathtaking dance of molecules colliding and creating something extraordinary.

    Similarly, it was during my darkest hours that I found the beauty of my light. My volatile emotions had often confused and trapped me, leaving me feeling caged by my own feelings. But when I finally took the time to investigate and understand my outbursts and anguish, something shifted. My light was revealed.

    I discovered that I am an incredibly passionate person. My emotions, while big and sometimes overwhelming, have a purpose. Learning this about myself allowed me to uncover the best parts of who I am.

    If you find yourself surrounded by darkness and burdened by pain, take heart. Sometimes the hardest, most painful parts of yourself will become the very things you come to cherish the most. Just as the Northern Lights emerge from the chaos of the sun, your light will shine in its own time.

    .

  • My Practice of Gratitude

    When I first began practicing gratitude, I didn’t have any grand plans or lofty expectations. My intention was simple: to just try it and see what would happen. At first, I found joy in random, seemingly insignificant things—a piece of grass on the stairs that looked like a smile, or a cloud shaped like a turtle.

    This practice unexpectedly transformed my life. As I began noticing and being grateful for small, quirky things, my focus started to shift. I found myself laughing more, often at things others might consider silly—like a rock that resembled a meatball from last night’s dinner. That laughter, though, became a cornerstone of my mental health recovery.

    Experimenting With Gratitude

    I’ll admit, my gratitude journal attempts were a bit of a rollercoaster. I started one about a million times, only for my entries to trail off after a couple of weeks. Instead of judging myself for not sticking to it, I decided to explore other methods.

    One day, I stumbled upon an old hobby from my school days: collaging. I flipped through magazines, cutting out words, phrases, flowers, and birds that brought me joy, and glued them onto paper. It was fun, creative, and personal. For a while, this became my go-to practice until self-doubt crept in. “I’m a grown adult making collages,” I thought, and I stopped.

    But the joy of that practice stayed with me. Later, I discovered mixed media art and found a way to combine my love of words and creativity. This practice allowed me to explore gratitude in a way that felt authentic and fulfilling.

    A Word Nerd’s Approach

    Being a self-proclaimed word nerd, I’ve always turned to words to make sense of the world. As part of my gratitude journey, I looked up the word grateful in the dictionary and wrote down its definition. Then, I dug into the thesaurus for synonyms and antonyms.

    This exercise became a meaningful ritual. Synonyms helped me see gratitude from new angles, while antonyms reminded me of what gratitude is not—helping me focus on the positivity I wanted to cultivate in my life. This practice of exploring words gave me a deeper connection to gratitude and became a way to ground myself during tough times.

    Gratitude Through Connection

    Most recently, my gratitude practice has evolved into something more outward-focused. I’ve started expressing gratitude directly to others, letting them know how they’ve inspired or impacted me. Whether it’s a simple thank-you or a heartfelt note, I hope to remind people that they matter. Even if they shrug it off, my intention is to show them how much of a difference they’re making just by being themselves.

    Finding Your Own Path

    Gratitude looks different for everyone, and that’s what makes it so special. My journey has been filled with trial and error, moments of joy, and even a few laughs along the way. Whether it’s journaling, creating art, exploring words, or connecting with others, I encourage you to find the practice that resonates most with you.

    What about you? How do you practice gratitude? Share your intentions, your favorite methods, or even the funny, quirky things you’ve noticed along the way.

  • The Practice of Gratitude

    The first step in practicing gratitude is noticing. Our busy lives often become so routine that we stop paying attention to the little things—the smell of coffee brewing, a kind smile from a loved one, or a fleeting moment of quiet before the day begins.

    When I started practicing gratitude, I didn’t overhaul my routine or carve out hours for reflection. Instead, I found a simple way to integrate it into my day. Every morning, as I poured my coffee, I would pause for just a few seconds to think of one thing I was grateful for. Some days, it was as small as the warmth of the mug in my hands.

    I once knew someone who had a powerful yet subtle way of practicing gratitude. Whenever they shared about the difficult things in life, they would place a hand over their heart. When I asked about this, they explained it was their way of expressing gratitude in the moment—thankful that others were willing to share their struggles, which helped them feel less alone. Other times, it was gratitude for the challenges they were facing, recognizing that their burdens could be more overwhelming. This small, personal gesture spoke volumes without anyone else needing to know its significance.

    How to Get Started

    Life is busy. Most of us operate on autopilot—waking up, rushing through our mornings, working long hours, and juggling endless responsibilities. By the time the weekend arrives, we’re either too exhausted to enjoy it or scrambling to meet other obligations.

    Our routines are full, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s within those routines that we can begin to practice gratitude. It doesn’t require a complete lifestyle change or a big time commitment—just a small moment to pause and notice.

    Before diving into gratitude practices, I encourage you to reflect on your intention. Why do you want to practice gratitude? For some, it’s tied to their spiritual or religious beliefs. For others, it’s about learning to live in the moment or bringing more joy into their daily lives. Setting your intention can make the practice more meaningful and keep you grounded as you begin this journey.

    Once you’ve set your intention, explore the many ways to practice gratitude. And remember, make these practices your own. For example, if you aim to write down three things you’re grateful for each day but miss a day (or two), don’t let it discourage you. Life is busy, and this journey isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. There’s no such thing as failing at gratitude. Each small effort is a step toward greater awareness and appreciation.

    Methods of Exploring Gratitude

    Gratitude is a deeply personal practice, and there’s no “one size fits all” approach.

    A friend of mine, when starting her gratitude journey, created a mind map. She wrote the word Grateful in the center of a page and branched out to different areas of her life—family, work, nature, and small joys—writing down something in each category she could appreciate.

    Another friend kept it even simpler: every time someone held the door open for them, they silently practiced gratitude in that moment.

    Both approaches worked because they felt natural and sustainable for each person’s lifestyle. Gratitude is most impactful when it aligns with your daily rhythm.

    Ideas for Practicing Gratitude

    • Journaling: Write down three things you’re grateful for at the end of each day.
    • Lists: Keep a running gratitude list on your phone or in a notebook.
    • 3-Second Pause: Mentally name one thing you’re grateful for before starting a new task.
    • Gratitude Jar: Write small notes of gratitude throughout the week and drop them in a jar. Reflect on them later.
    • Letters of Appreciation: Write a letter to a loved one expressing your gratitude for their presence in your life.

    Your Turn

    If you feel comfortable, share your intentions. What do you hope to gain from practicing gratitude? Are there methods you’re excited to try? Or, if you’ve been practicing gratitude for many seasons, what adjustments have you made as your journey evolved?

  • How Gratitude Transformed My Life

    Gratitude has transformed my life. It shifted my negative thinking and allowed me to see beyond my own struggles. If you’ve experienced—or know someone who has dealt with—depression or other mental health challenges, you know how hard it can be to regulate emotions, form thoughts, or see the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. For me, gratitude became that tiny glimmer of hope I needed to keep moving forward.

    I’ve always valued authenticity, and I refused to fake it. I wasn’t about to say, “I’m grateful for the sun because it brings warmth to the earth,” when, deep down, I didn’t care. There were days when the world could’ve frozen over, and it wouldn’t have mattered to me. That’s the reality of struggling with mental health—it’s hard to feel anything when everything feels bleak and lifeless.

    I remember conversations about “just going through the motions” or “faking it until you make it.” Gratitude didn’t feel real to me, and I struggled to believe I could ever develop an “attitude of gratitude.” But I was challenged to just start—even if it felt fake.

    When I began practicing gratitude, I was skeptical. I remember pouring my morning coffee and muttering sarcastically, “I’m grateful for my coffee, I guess.” It felt forced and insincere, like just another buzzword everyone was throwing around. It took weeks—weeks—before I could name one thing I genuinely felt thankful for.

    I’m sharing this not to discourage anyone who already practices gratitude but to acknowledge those who feel like it’s out of reach. Maybe you’re someone who smiles on the outside while feeling lonely and lost inside. Maybe life feels overwhelming, and gratitude seems like just another “quick fix.” If this is you, please know you’re not alone.

    This space is peer-led, meaning I’ve been there too. I understand the darkness, the doubts, and the frustration. Healing doesn’t happen by forcing yourself to be grateful; it begins with acknowledging where you are right now. There’s no shame in struggling or in finding gratitude hard to grasp.

    The amazing thing about gratitude, though, is that the more you practice, the easier it becomes to find those little glimmers of hope. That sarcastic “thank you” for my coffee seven years ago? It was the start of a journey that has since led to moments of genuine connection and appreciation.

    Just the other day, I stopped by a coworker’s office to thank them for their energy and consistency. I told them how much I appreciated the way they care for others and show up every day. Did it make their day? I don’t know. But I hope my words reminded them they are seen, valued, and making a difference.

    Gratitude is powerful. It starts small and grows in unexpected ways. So if you’re curious about gratitude but don’t know where to begin, just start where you are. Be curious about what gratitude might look like for you. You never know how those small moments might shift your perspective and bring light into your life.

    Your Turn:
    What does gratitude mean to you? Is there something you’re curious about or want to explore further? If you’re hesitant, that’s okay. Start small and allow yourself the grace to grow into it. Who knows where the journey might take you?

  • Curious Discoveries

    Photo by Shannon

    This week’s Through the Lens piece captures a moment that intrigued me. I noticed several butterflies fluttering around and then landing on dirt. It piqued my curiosity because I had always thought butterflies get their nutrients solely from the nectar of flowers. After capturing several images, I continued to watch them for a while.

    It reminded me that nourishment can come from unexpected places. These creatures, usually associated with flowers, found sustenance in something I learned about called puddling—where butterflies absorb minerals from mud or dirt. It shows us that sustenance doesn’t have to come from the “pretty” places we expect.

    This moment reminded me how noticing can reveal the hidden potential in every moment. No matter where nutrients come from—whether from the beauty of flowers or the simplicity of dirt—they can all be transformed into something magnificent. To illustrate this, I edited the butterflies to have purple, galaxy wings, symbolizing how even the most unexpected sources of nourishment can lead to something beautiful and transformative.

    Reflection: What unexpected sources of nourishment or growth have you discovered in your own life?

  • Gratitude: A Glimmer of Hope

    Before The Glimmer

    Several years ago, I met with a therapist shortly after being discharged from the hospital’s mental health ward. This appointment was part of the safety plan established upon my release—a plan that felt like a daunting step into the unknown. During the session, the therapist shared several diagnoses that shook me to my core. I was in my late 30s, and hearing these words for the first time left me reeling. How could I have lived so long without understanding the struggles that had been shaping my life? Looking back, I realize this lack of awareness had led to years of numbing myself to the pain—something I’ll delve into another time.

    That session, however, became a significant turning point—not because of the therapist’s suggestion, but because of the decision I made afterward. When she brought up the idea of attending a day treatment program, I interpreted her words as judgmental and condescending, as though I was being passed off to someone else who could “handle me.” Her tone lingered in my mind, sharp and cold, making me feel like a burden rather than a person in need of help. It wasn’t framed as an opportunity for healing but rather a solution for someone who was “too much.” I left feeling small, broken, and resistant. 

    But somewhere deep inside, a spark of courage ignited. I realized I had a choice: I could let her tone discourage me, or I could focus on the possibility that day treatment might actually help. Deciding to look into the program—and eventually enrolling—took incredible bravery. That decision became the true turning point. It was me, not her, choosing to take control of my healing and seek support in an environment that felt more suitable for where I was at the time.

    When I started the program, I was required to meet with one of the therapists leading it. From the very first interaction, I was made to feel like a human—something I hadn’t felt in a long time. There were no masks, no toxic positivity, no blaming. Instead, I was met where I was: broken but welcomed, guided but never judged. For the first time in what felt like forever, I could see the faint outline of a path forward.

    The Day Treatment Program

    I can vividly recall the first day I attended the program. I walked into a large meeting room. Windows lined the back wall, letting in soft, natural light. Words of encouragement and posters about feelings hung on the walls. The chairs were arranged in a large circle. Other participants filed in, choosing seats and engaging in small talk. I sat alone, nervous and ready to leave the moment I arrived.

    Each morning in day treatment started with a round robin of three questions, one of which was, “What’s one thing you’re thankful for?” When my turn came, my mind went blank. I wasn’t the first to answer, but each response—gratefulness for food, being in treatment—felt hollow to me. I didn’t relate. I wasn’t thankful for anything. Deep down, I felt empty, just a shell of a person sitting there.

    I could have passed or repeated something generic, but that wasn’t me. I’ve always valued authenticity, and if I don’t feel it, I won’t fake it. So, when my turn came, I said, “I’m grateful for nothing.” Surprisingly, some nodded, admitting they’d felt the same way before.

    I instantly felt welcomed. I was in a place where others understood me. I wasn’t judged for my non-answer. I wasn’t cast aside for speaking my truth, and it was liberating. It was at that moment that my outer shell, hardened by mental illness, began to soften. I could finally hear what others shared about the reasons behind gratitude—and I started to believe that practicing gratitude might be worth my time and effort.

    Invitation To Notice With Curiosity

    We are all walking unique paths through life, and I won’t pretend to know exactly where you are on yours. Maybe you’ve just been released from the hospital. Maybe you’re feeling stuck, repeating old patterns. Or maybe you’re looking for a small nudge forward. Wherever you find yourself, ask yourself this: Where are you on your gratitude journey?

    Is it hard to think of even one thing to be thankful for, as it once was for me? Or are you beginning to notice glimmers of gratitude in your day-to-day life?

    Here’s my invitation: Take a moment to reflect. Where are you now? No judgment. No need to act yet. Just notice with curiosity. Make a mental note—or share in the comments below if you feel comfortable.

    As this blog unfolds, we’ll explore gratitude and other skills step by step. For now, let’s begin with this simple practice: just notice.