Regulating our emotions is something we’ve been doing since we were babies. Back then, it was purely instinctive—crying when we were hungry, cold, or gassy. Our caregivers had to play a guessing game to figure out what we needed. Over time, we learned to smile, laugh, and eventually talk—developing new ways to express ourselves. But what many of us don’t realize is that this process of learning and adjusting our emotional responses continues throughout our lives.
To build a healthier relationship with our emotions, we need to dismantle old beliefs and thought patterns. Just like we set our intentions with gratitude, we can take the time to notice, be curious, and remain nonjudgmental. What are some of the thoughts and beliefs you hold about emotions? Do they align with what you know to be true?
Here are three common myths about emotional regulation:
Myth 1: Emotions Are Either “Good” or “Bad”
Many of us were taught that emotions fit into neat categories—joy and happiness were “good,” while sadness and anger were “bad” or “negative.” I grew up believing this, and it shaped how I viewed and processed my emotions.
Truth:
The reality is, there are no “good” or “bad” emotions. Emotions are signals—they give us insight into what we’re experiencing, and each one serves a purpose. Some emotions might be easier to handle, while others challenge us, but none are inherently bad. Emotions help us make decisions, show us what matters to us, deepen our connections with others, and even help our bodies survive. The harder emotions—grief, anger, frustration—often point us toward things we feel deeply about. They don’t need to be feared or suppressed; they need to be understood.
Myth 2: We Can Only Feel One Emotion at a Time
We often think emotions come one at a time—if someone dies, we must feel only sadness. If there is injustice, we must be only angry. On Christmas morning, we must be only joyful.
Truth:
Emotions are complex and layered. We can feel many emotions at once. Christmas morning might bring joy, but it can also carry grief and nostalgia. When someone says something hurtful, we might feel both sadness and anger. While emotions are universal, they are deeply personal—two people can experience the same emotion in completely different ways. Instead of trying to categorize emotions as singular experiences, we can embrace their complexity and learn from them.
Myth 3: Big Emotions Mean I’m Out of Control or Being “Dramatic”
Many of us have been made to feel like big emotions—intense sadness, overwhelming joy, deep anger—mean we are out of control, overreacting, or even “crazy.”
Truth:
Experiencing big emotions does not mean you are out of control. It does not make you “dramatic” or “crazy.” You are allowed to feel and express emotions, no matter how intense they are. True emotional intelligence is not about suppressing feelings—it’s about recognizing, understanding, and moving through them in a healthy way. A real friend or supportive person will hold space for your emotions rather than criticize you for them. Being vulnerable isn’t a weakness—it’s a sign of strength, self-awareness, and emotional growth.
Healthier Relationship to Emotions
Now that we’ve broken down these myths, we can start working toward a healthier relationship with our emotions. By embracing the full spectrum of our feelings and letting go of harmful labels, we can learn to navigate our emotions in ways that honor who we are—without shame or judgment.
For some, this means relearning what emotions truly are. Taking the time to notice, name, and explore emotions can be a crucial step in healing. Many of us were never properly taught about emotions—what they mean, how they function, or how to process them in a healthy way.
For example, I once tied the feeling of love to things and people who were toxic. My understanding of love had been twisted from a young age, shaped by manipulation and grooming. I believed I was loved not for who I was, but for what I could offer. I had to break down even the most basic emotions—love, happiness, sadness—so I could rewire my brain to recognize what I truly needed, rather than what I had been told to accept.
In the coming posts, I’ll be diving deeper into a few major emotion, exploring what they mean and how we can build a healthier relationship with them. I challenge you to do the same—look at each emotion, even the simplest ones, and ask yourself: What does this emotion mean to me now, as someone healing and reclaiming my story?