Grief and loss are never easy to move through. However, they can be navigated with grace, hope, and support. Today, I want to share my lived experience of maneuvering and walking alongside grief.
Wearing the Emotion
When I was experiencing sadness, I had a habit of wearing the emotion. If I was sad, I believed that sadness was all I was allowed to be. So I cried, I stayed in bed, and I sat with my sadness. That became my entire world.
Consequently, the problems that arose were too many to count. I lost motivation. I didn’t eat because I wasn’t hungry. I didn’t laugh because I thought it would be a betrayal of what I had lost. This went on for several months.
I had forgotten that the person I lost would have seen me in that state and thought, “‘Come on, don’t do this to yourself.” Of course, they would’ve wanted me to live my life to the fullest and have joy, but in the deepest throes of mourning, it felt as if I was frozen in grief, unable to live.
Gaining Insight and Truth
It took several gentle conversations with my support human before things slowly began to shift. I learned that the pain was too much to bear—it was supposed to be too much. The amount that I was hurting was equal to the amount of love I shared with the person I lost. But I learned there was another way of handling and maneuvering through the loss.
One day, someone offered me this metaphor: “When you put your hand on a hot stove, you immediately pull it away. But with sadness, you left your hand there.”
I wasn’t literally burning my hand—but emotionally, I was. I kept myself in that pain without even realizing I could shift. I was gently reminded not to leave my hand on the stove.
Practicing the Skills
That’s when I was introduced to skills—ways of leaning into the discomfort for a time, and then leaning out again. For me, the skill of distraction worked wonders. I was encouraged to try things that might help me get my mind off the constant pain of loss.
I found a simple hobby: diamond dotting- A meditative hobby where you place tiny colored gems onto a canvas, one by one. At first, I cried while doing it. But it required just enough focus that it gave my mind a break from the overwhelming grief. I’d place each tiny gem on the canvas, one at a time, and the rhythm of it helped me breathe again.
I’d work on it for a while, then get up and do something else. When the sadness washed over me, I let it. But only for a time. Then I returned to the diamond dotting. Little by little, life started moving again. My heart started healing.
New & Healthy Pattern
I was giving myself space to grieve—but not letting the grief consume me. And eventually, that became my way of processing loss.
Years later, when another wave of grief hit me, something beautiful happened. The pattern returned. I was able to function through the grief while still honoring it. I created something beautiful while thinking about the person I had lost. And when it was finished, I held it in my hands and whispered, “I made this for you. While missing you. While healing through you.”
That project didn’t erase my grief. But it reminded me that I can create through my loss. I can live without betraying what I loved.
A dear friend of mine once shared their own grieving ritual; When they’re grieving, they go outside and find a new place to sit and birdwatch—somewhere unfamiliar. It forces them to focus on their surroundings. And in that space, they’ve spotted birds and creatures they’ve never seen before. It gives their brain something else to engage with.
Hope Moving Forward
That’s what healing can look like.
We don’t have to stay on the stove.
We don’t have to stop feeling to start living.
We just have to find one small thing that lets us breathe through the loss. If one thing doesn’t help—try something else.
Your process is allowed to be messy, gentle, quiet, creative, slow.
But you’re allowed to try. You’re allowed to live.
I’ve learned to walk alongside grief instead of letting it pull me under. There are still days when sadness crashes over me. When sadness arises, I simply ask, “Hey there, grief. What do you want to show me today?”
Grief doesn’t go away. But we can learn to live with it in a way that honors our loss and celebrates our life. You don’t have to walk through this alone.