Peer Reflections

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  • My Walk with Anger

    The Old Me

    You might not believe this, but, I was known for my temper—the smallest things used to set me off. Once, while enjoying a beach day with a friend, words were exchanged, and the tension between us escalated. Back then, I didn’t understand the power of emotions or how to calm myself down so I could respond instead of react. And my reactions? They were explosive.

    As we left the beach, the argument continued in the car. I felt trapped and furious. We were both yelling, and I lost control. In a moment of pure emotional chaos, I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the car door, fully intending to jump out of the moving vehicle.

    Looking back, I see that this reckless decision was my desperate attempt to remove myself from the situation. I didn’t have the skills or the understanding of anger—I only knew that when I was upset, my emotions took over, and I said and did things I never truly meant. I was reacting, not thinking.

    This wasn’t an isolated incident. When anger consumed me, I threw things, kicked things, and said horrible words that couldn’t be taken back. It wasn’t until I started learning about emotions that I began peeling back the layers of my anger.

    For the longest time, when the rage monster appeared, I didn’t even recognize the warning signs. I wasn’t aware of what made me angry or how my body reacted until the fight was already over. I didn’t notice my blood pressure rising or my muscles tensing—anger was so ingrained in me that I assumed those sensations were just part of who I was.

    The Change

    That changed when I started working with my therapist. I learned to recognize the subtle signs: my heart beating faster, my muscles tightening, that slow burn of frustration bubbling inside me. I was taught tools—how to walk away, how to remove myself from the situation, how to disengage before things spiraled out of control. Deep breaths, brisk walks, choosing not to see the other person as an enemy.

    I’ll never forget the first time I put these tools into action. In the middle of a heated argument, I paused and said, “I’m feeling elevated. Let’s take a walk and continue this conversation after.”

    The person I was speaking to didn’t take it well. They told me I was avoiding the conversation, abandoning their needs, and that taking a walk was a stupid idea. But in reality, they were angry because they couldn’t control my emotions or my actions like they had expected.

    So I stood up, listened to my body, and took the walk alone.

    When I returned, I felt calmer—ready to continue the hard conversation. But the other person escalated again, raising their voice and growing angrier. That’s when I realized: taking a break worked. I was in control of my emotions, and they weren’t.

    That moment was a turning point. The more I practiced, the more I noticed anger’s presence before it took over. I wasn’t perfect, but over time, the emotional explosions faded. I built healthier patterns.

    The New Me

    And then came the day I knew—without a doubt—that I had control over my anger. A loved one, struggling with deep insecurities, projected their pain onto me. In the past, I would have snapped, lashed out, or fed into the fight. But this time, something shifted. I felt the anger rise… and then it subsided before I even responded.

    I saw the situation for what it was—their pain, not mine. I remained calm, stood up for myself multiple times, and ultimately set a boundary: I needed space to process. That was the breaking point for them. They ended the relationship because they weren’t willing to respect my need for space.

    Losing that relationship hurt. The grief was real. But at the same time, I was so damn proud of myself. I hadn’t gotten defensive. I hadn’t engaged in their anger. I had given them my time, my patience, and multiple chances to work through it. Asking for space wasn’t unreasonable—anyone in my life today would understand and respect that.

    I handled it with clarity, self-respect, and emotional control.

    That friendship ended, but I walked away knowing my worth. Knowing that all the internal work I had done was real. That I managed my anger like a pro.

    And that? That was a victory.

  • Emotional Regulation: Anger

    Getting to Know Anger

    If I were to ask you what makes you angry, you could probably come up with a long list—politics, relationships, pet peeves, and so on. Most of us can easily identify external triggers.

    If I were to ask what anger looks like, you might list things like furrowed brows, crossed arms, yelling, slamming doors, or even physical violence. And while these are common expressions of anger, they aren’t anger itself. They’re reactions to anger—patterns we’ve learned over time.

    But what if we could break those patterns? Through emotional regulation, we can learn to recognize anger as it arises and remain calm enough to respond rather than react.

    Think about a time when anger led to an automatic reaction:

    Imagine you’re driving, and another car suddenly cuts you off, forcing you to slam on the brakes. If you’re anything like me, your instinct might be to lay on the horn, throw up a middle finger, yell profanities, and maybe even tailgate out of frustration—only feeling relief once they’re out of sight. 

    Sound familiar?

    Believe it or not, this reaction isn’t necessarily healthy. Many of us react this way because we’ve seen it modeled around us. But these automatic reactions don’t actually help—they just keep us stuck in cycles of stress and frustration. Emotional regulation gives us a different choice: to notice anger, understand its purpose, and respond intentionally rather than impulsively.

    Why Do We Feel Anger?

    Anger is a protective emotion. It shows up when we feel wronged, threatened, unheard, disrespected, or when something feels unfair. Anger can also reveal what we’re passionate about—what matters to us.

    Using the driving example, anger could stem from:

    • A sense of threat—your safety (or that of your loved ones) was put at risk.
    • A need for control—you were following the rules, and someone else wasn’t.
    • A feeling of unfairness—why should you have to slam on the brakes because of their carelessness?

    The truth is, anger, frustration, and irritation all serve a purpose. But if we’re not careful, unchecked anger can lead to reactions that create more harm than good.

    What to Notice

    One way to start regulating anger is by noticing how it feels in your body before it fully takes over.

    These physical changes happen before we lash out. And that’s where we have power—by catching anger in this stage, we can shift from reacting to responding.

    Anger often brings subtle physiological shifts—like early warning signs from your body:

    • Increased heart rate
    • Shallow, huffy breathing
    • Rising blood pressure
    • Clenched teeth or tight muscles
    • Flushed face or increased body heat
    • Shaking or even unexpected tears

    Shifting the Pattern

    Once we recognize anger’s early signs, we can choose how to respond. Here’s what that might look like in real time:

    🚗 A car cuts you off.
    😤 You feel anger rising—your heart pounds, your face gets hot, your muscles tense.
    🛑 Instead of reacting impulsively, you pause.
    💨 You take a deep breath.
    🤔 You think: “That was rude, but I’m glad my brakes work. Maybe they weren’t paying attention. Either way, I’m safe.”
    🎶 You turn up the music, focus on your driving, and let it go.

    By choosing to respond instead of react, you keep yourself emotionally regulated—and, more importantly, you keep yourself safe.

    And here’s the thing: your anger is still valid. That driver was careless. It is frustrating. But instead of letting them control your emotional state, you take control of your own reaction.

    Anger in Relationships

    Road rage isn’t the only place we see automatic anger reactions. Relationships—whether with friends, family, or coworkers—are occasionally a potential trigger for anger.

    Instead of getting stuck in yelling, debating, or escalating arguments, we can practice a simple but powerful tool: pausing the conversation.

    “Hey, I’m noticing that I’m feeling really elevated right now. I want to stay level-headed because this conversation is important to me. I need to take a short break, and we can pick this back up soon.”

    Stepping away allows your body to reset so you don’t say something you regret. During that time, you can:

    • Drink some water
    • Go for a short walk
    • Eat something (low blood sugar affects mood!)
    • Take deep breaths

    Final Thoughts

    Our patterns can change over time. The only way to practice emotional regulation is by experiencing these emotions in real time and choosing new responses.

    Tomorrow, I’ll be sharing personal reflections on my own anger patterns—how they used to look and how they’ve changed. Stay tuned.

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  • Love/Hate Relationship with Emotions

    I continue to have a love/hate relationship with emotions. Logically, I know that emotions help us figure out our needs, and I love that. It’s something I am continually learning, as each emotion and situation has its own nuances. Emotions are complex, and I often find myself lost in them. But I’m grateful that I can take a curious approach to them. Over time, I’ve learned not to fight my emotions but to sit with them and ask: What does this mean? How can I support myself?

    The frustrating part—the part I still struggle to flow with—is when a random emotion hits out of nowhere.

    I wake up in a good mood, feeling rested, going about my day, and then BAM! Like a rogue wave crashing over me, an emotion floods in suddenly and intensely. I’m not always graceful or accepting in moments like this. I get frustrated and overwhelmed. But living with PTSD means this will be a continual battle, and the best way I know to thrive through emotional or physical flashbacks is to give my emotions space.

    The hardest part for me is not knowing what triggered the rogue wave of emotions. I’ve spent hours—even days—trying to figure it out, digging for the root cause. But my best success comes when I acknowledge and validate the emotion rather than interrogate it. Instead of chasing the “why,” I focus on supporting myself through it.

    Sometimes, that support looks like allowing myself to cry. Other times, it’s reaching out to a trusted person who won’t make the emotion worse. It’s giving myself space and time to take care of myself.

    Sometimes, this interferes with my plans—because the emotions feel too big to function. Other times, I can box them up and carry on, dealing with the gnawing annoyance of them in the back of my mind.

    But no matter what, I will carry on.

    I will take the time to address things as they arise and remind myself that taking care of me is not just important—it’s necessary.

  • How Gratitude Transformed My Life

    Gratitude has transformed my life. It shifted my negative thinking and allowed me to see beyond my own struggles. If you’ve experienced—or know someone who has dealt with—depression or other mental health challenges, you know how hard it can be to regulate emotions, form thoughts, or see the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. For me, gratitude became that tiny glimmer of hope I needed to keep moving forward.

    I’ve always valued authenticity, and I refused to fake it. I wasn’t about to say, “I’m grateful for the sun because it brings warmth to the earth,” when, deep down, I didn’t care. There were days when the world could’ve frozen over, and it wouldn’t have mattered to me. That’s the reality of struggling with mental health—it’s hard to feel anything when everything feels bleak and lifeless.

    I remember conversations about “just going through the motions” or “faking it until you make it.” Gratitude didn’t feel real to me, and I struggled to believe I could ever develop an “attitude of gratitude.” But I was challenged to just start—even if it felt fake.

    When I began practicing gratitude, I was skeptical. I remember pouring my morning coffee and muttering sarcastically, “I’m grateful for my coffee, I guess.” It felt forced and insincere, like just another buzzword everyone was throwing around. It took weeks—weeks—before I could name one thing I genuinely felt thankful for.

    I’m sharing this not to discourage anyone who already practices gratitude but to acknowledge those who feel like it’s out of reach. Maybe you’re someone who smiles on the outside while feeling lonely and lost inside. Maybe life feels overwhelming, and gratitude seems like just another “quick fix.” If this is you, please know you’re not alone.

    This space is peer-led, meaning I’ve been there too. I understand the darkness, the doubts, and the frustration. Healing doesn’t happen by forcing yourself to be grateful; it begins with acknowledging where you are right now. There’s no shame in struggling or in finding gratitude hard to grasp.

    The amazing thing about gratitude, though, is that the more you practice, the easier it becomes to find those little glimmers of hope. That sarcastic “thank you” for my coffee seven years ago? It was the start of a journey that has since led to moments of genuine connection and appreciation.

    Just the other day, I stopped by a coworker’s office to thank them for their energy and consistency. I told them how much I appreciated the way they care for others and show up every day. Did it make their day? I don’t know. But I hope my words reminded them they are seen, valued, and making a difference.

    Gratitude is powerful. It starts small and grows in unexpected ways. So if you’re curious about gratitude but don’t know where to begin, just start where you are. Be curious about what gratitude might look like for you. You never know how those small moments might shift your perspective and bring light into your life.

    Your Turn:
    What does gratitude mean to you? Is there something you’re curious about or want to explore further? If you’re hesitant, that’s okay. Start small and allow yourself the grace to grow into it. Who knows where the journey might take you?

  • Gratitude: A Glimmer of Hope

    Before The Glimmer

    Several years ago, I met with a therapist shortly after being discharged from the hospital’s mental health ward. This appointment was part of the safety plan established upon my release—a plan that felt like a daunting step into the unknown. During the session, the therapist shared several diagnoses that shook me to my core. I was in my late 30s, and hearing these words for the first time left me reeling. How could I have lived so long without understanding the struggles that had been shaping my life? Looking back, I realize this lack of awareness had led to years of numbing myself to the pain—something I’ll delve into another time.

    That session, however, became a significant turning point—not because of the therapist’s suggestion, but because of the decision I made afterward. When she brought up the idea of attending a day treatment program, I interpreted her words as judgmental and condescending, as though I was being passed off to someone else who could “handle me.” Her tone lingered in my mind, sharp and cold, making me feel like a burden rather than a person in need of help. It wasn’t framed as an opportunity for healing but rather a solution for someone who was “too much.” I left feeling small, broken, and resistant. 

    But somewhere deep inside, a spark of courage ignited. I realized I had a choice: I could let her tone discourage me, or I could focus on the possibility that day treatment might actually help. Deciding to look into the program—and eventually enrolling—took incredible bravery. That decision became the true turning point. It was me, not her, choosing to take control of my healing and seek support in an environment that felt more suitable for where I was at the time.

    When I started the program, I was required to meet with one of the therapists leading it. From the very first interaction, I was made to feel like a human—something I hadn’t felt in a long time. There were no masks, no toxic positivity, no blaming. Instead, I was met where I was: broken but welcomed, guided but never judged. For the first time in what felt like forever, I could see the faint outline of a path forward.

    The Day Treatment Program

    I can vividly recall the first day I attended the program. I walked into a large meeting room. Windows lined the back wall, letting in soft, natural light. Words of encouragement and posters about feelings hung on the walls. The chairs were arranged in a large circle. Other participants filed in, choosing seats and engaging in small talk. I sat alone, nervous and ready to leave the moment I arrived.

    Each morning in day treatment started with a round robin of three questions, one of which was, “What’s one thing you’re thankful for?” When my turn came, my mind went blank. I wasn’t the first to answer, but each response—gratefulness for food, being in treatment—felt hollow to me. I didn’t relate. I wasn’t thankful for anything. Deep down, I felt empty, just a shell of a person sitting there.

    I could have passed or repeated something generic, but that wasn’t me. I’ve always valued authenticity, and if I don’t feel it, I won’t fake it. So, when my turn came, I said, “I’m grateful for nothing.” Surprisingly, some nodded, admitting they’d felt the same way before.

    I instantly felt welcomed. I was in a place where others understood me. I wasn’t judged for my non-answer. I wasn’t cast aside for speaking my truth, and it was liberating. It was at that moment that my outer shell, hardened by mental illness, began to soften. I could finally hear what others shared about the reasons behind gratitude—and I started to believe that practicing gratitude might be worth my time and effort.

    Invitation To Notice With Curiosity

    We are all walking unique paths through life, and I won’t pretend to know exactly where you are on yours. Maybe you’ve just been released from the hospital. Maybe you’re feeling stuck, repeating old patterns. Or maybe you’re looking for a small nudge forward. Wherever you find yourself, ask yourself this: Where are you on your gratitude journey?

    Is it hard to think of even one thing to be thankful for, as it once was for me? Or are you beginning to notice glimmers of gratitude in your day-to-day life?

    Here’s my invitation: Take a moment to reflect. Where are you now? No judgment. No need to act yet. Just notice with curiosity. Make a mental note—or share in the comments below if you feel comfortable.

    As this blog unfolds, we’ll explore gratitude and other skills step by step. For now, let’s begin with this simple practice: just notice.

  • Laying The Foundation

    Before We Dive In

    I am excited to share skills and tools with you, fellow readers, but before we dive in, it’s important to lay some groundwork. No structure can stand without a sturdy base, and I strongly feel it’s worth taking the time to build that foundation. This blog is not a place for quick fixes or simple solutions—it’s about meaningful, sustainable growth.

    When I talk about laying the groundwork, I don’t mean core beliefs or values—that’s the foundation of you as a person, and we’ll explore those topics later. For now, I’m talking about the foundation for growth: a willingness to notice, a spark of curiosity, and the practice of observing without judgment. These three elements are all you need to start. You don’t need to be happy or have anything figured out.

    Noticing, Curiosity and Non-Judgement

    What then is noticing? I mean developing the ability to pause and simply observe your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without immediately reacting. Non-judgment means acknowledging what you notice without labeling it as good or bad—just letting it exist. And curiosity? That’s the spark that encourages you to explore what you notice, to ask yourself questions like, ‘Why am I feeling this way?’ or ‘What might this be telling me?’

    These three skills are the foundation for growth because they help us slow down, become more present, and create space for change. They lay a foundation that allows you to understand yourself better and make informed decisions about your mental health. In future posts, we’ll explore each of these in more detail, with practical tips to help you incorporate them into your life.

    Being Swept Away

    For the longest time, I felt like I was being carried along by a current—no line of sight, no equipment, just being swept away. I bumped into anything in my path, not even caring if it hurt. There were moments I struggled to breathe, even hoping the water would pull me under so everything could end.

    But there came a moment—a small but pivotal moment—when something inside me stirred. It wasn’t a grand epiphany or a sudden surge of strength. It was just the tiniest flicker of courage, enough to make me wonder: What if I could get out of this river? I didn’t have tools, and I had no idea what lay beyond the banks. But even with all that uncertainty, I decided to fight the current and forge my own path. The road ahead was unknown, but for the first time, I made a choice. And that choice changed everything.

    Looking back, I can see how starting with those three foundational skills—just noticing, being curious, and holding back judgment—helped me begin to shift. They didn’t fix everything overnight, but they gave me something to hold onto, a way to start navigating the current instead of being pulled under by it.

    Growth Is A Process

    Our culture thrives on instant gratification: “I tried it for five minutes, and it didn’t work, so it must not work for me.” This mindset keeps us stuck. Growth is a process—it takes time, effort, and yes, even failure. But I don’t want this reality to discourage you. Instead, I hope to share my process—moving from oblivion about my mental and emotional needs to intentionally applying these skills, even when I stumbled or fell off track.

    It’s not about perfection. It’s about showing up, trying, and making adjustments along the way. It took me seven years to go from despair to thriving, and I want to be real about that journey. Your personal growth is worth the time and effort it takes to build this foundation.

    So let’s start with the basics. I’ll break things down one idea at a time, moving deliberately and intentionally. These skills can feel slow at first, but they create a foundation that will support everything that comes next. You are worth the effort it takes to build a better life—and I’ll be here to guide you every step of the way.

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