Life Before Emotional Regulation
I’ve always been told that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Growing up, this wasn’t just a casual observation—it was a fact of life. A moment my family loves to bring up, now a running joke, is a memory that has lived rent-free in my mind for years.
When I was a child, maybe a preteen, my family attended one of my brother’s little league baseball games. My parents had recently bought a camcorder, and they brought it along to capture memories to share with my grandma. I was sitting on the ground, knees pulled up to my chest, holding a purple Blow Pop. At some point, the camera panned to me, and my mom or dad said, “Say hi to Grandma!”
I looked up with the most annoyed expression in the world and, in the flattest tone imaginable, said, “Hi, Grandma. I’m feeling fine.” The sarcasm in my voice was unmistakable. I was clearly not “fine,” and whatever had upset me was written all over my face.
Even as an adult, I carried this inability to hide my emotions. I’d attend events out of obligation, and people could immediately tell I wasn’t okay. I couldn’t put on a mask or fake a smile—it just wasn’t in me. But the problem went deeper than just looking annoyed or upset.
I wore my emotions so much so that I allowed them to control my actions and moods. When I was crabby or frustrated, I’d snap. My emotions were explosive, and I felt out of control. So many times, it felt like my heart was wrapped in a suffocating wool sweater. Nothing I did seemed to calm me down. Once, I snapped at my child for chewing their food too loudly. I was tightly wound, and the smallest misstep or breath would ignite the volcano inside me. My emotions were explosive and I felt out of control.
The Turning Point
Fast forward 10 years. I found myself in a day treatment program, trying to make sense of my emotions and behaviors. Each day began with a group meeting, where we’d sit in a large circle and answer a series of questions designed to help us explore our emotional states and intentions for the day.
One of the questions we’ve already discussed is, What is one thing you are grateful for? (You can read more about gratitude here). This month, though, we’re going to focus on another important question that was asked of us each day: What are you feeling today?
This question, along with others that were asked, laid the foundation for deeper self-awareness. But it wasn’t just about answering the question—it was about understanding what I was feeling and, more importantly, why I was feeling that way.
At first, this question stumped me. Much like gratitude, I struggled to answer it. Some days, I felt like a toddler trying to name my emotions, fumbling for the right words. It might sound silly—a grown woman in her thirties unable to describe her feelings—but it was my reality. Looking back, it’s no wonder why day treatment was recommended for me.
There was one rule in this exercise: we couldn’t say good, fine, bad, or okay. These were my go-to responses, and suddenly, I was forced to dig deeper.
Setting the Stage for Emotional Regulation
That simple, yet profound question—What are you feeling today?—was the beginning of my journey toward understanding emotional regulation. It laid the groundwork for me to not only recognize my emotions but to label them, process them, and ultimately manage them.
Through this month and next, we’re going to explore the concept of emotional regulation. We’ll talk about the importance of identifying our emotions, the balance it brings to our hearts, and the tools we can use to navigate emotional storms. Together, we’ll start building a foundation for greater emotional awareness and well-being.
Stay tuned as we dive deeper into the how and why of emotional regulation. It’s not just about answering a question—it’s about transforming the way we understand and handle our emotions.
