Peer Reflections

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Tag: anger

  • Rage Battle

    Photo by Shannon

    The overwhelming sensation of anger disturbs and disrupts—not just our vision, but our internal balance. When rage takes hold, it can feel like the only relief comes from a volatile eruption of disdain and distress, releasing the tension however we can.

    For a long time, my walk with anger was exactly this—a rush for release, no matter the cost. I didn’t care who I hurt or how I used my words. I lashed out, swirling like a storm, leaving a wake of destruction behind me. This was the old me. 

    But I grew tired of the endless damage control, the aftermath of my internal storm spilling onto others, whether provoked or not. A need to change became undeniable. Anger is heavy. It can consume. But when I stopped fighting it and started listening, I began to understand what it was trying to reveal to me. I had to set better boundaries—not just to protect others, but to take care of myself. I had to learn how to control my anger, to recognize its signals before it spiraled into destruction.

    Looking at this digital piece I created, I feel the weight of it—the ominous, heavy waves of rage.  It feels like a lifetime ago, yet so real. As I reflect on this piece, flashbacks are pulling my attention-images of the old me- but I have the ability to combat these thoughts with the realization that I have come so far, I’ve done the work. I see the transformation- and that is something to celebrate!

    Wanna read more about emotional regulation?

  • My Walk with Anger

    The Old Me

    You might not believe this, but, I was known for my temper—the smallest things used to set me off. Once, while enjoying a beach day with a friend, words were exchanged, and the tension between us escalated. Back then, I didn’t understand the power of emotions or how to calm myself down so I could respond instead of react. And my reactions? They were explosive.

    As we left the beach, the argument continued in the car. I felt trapped and furious. We were both yelling, and I lost control. In a moment of pure emotional chaos, I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the car door, fully intending to jump out of the moving vehicle.

    Looking back, I see that this reckless decision was my desperate attempt to remove myself from the situation. I didn’t have the skills or the understanding of anger—I only knew that when I was upset, my emotions took over, and I said and did things I never truly meant. I was reacting, not thinking.

    This wasn’t an isolated incident. When anger consumed me, I threw things, kicked things, and said horrible words that couldn’t be taken back. It wasn’t until I started learning about emotions that I began peeling back the layers of my anger.

    For the longest time, when the rage monster appeared, I didn’t even recognize the warning signs. I wasn’t aware of what made me angry or how my body reacted until the fight was already over. I didn’t notice my blood pressure rising or my muscles tensing—anger was so ingrained in me that I assumed those sensations were just part of who I was.

    The Change

    That changed when I started working with my therapist. I learned to recognize the subtle signs: my heart beating faster, my muscles tightening, that slow burn of frustration bubbling inside me. I was taught tools—how to walk away, how to remove myself from the situation, how to disengage before things spiraled out of control. Deep breaths, brisk walks, choosing not to see the other person as an enemy.

    I’ll never forget the first time I put these tools into action. In the middle of a heated argument, I paused and said, “I’m feeling elevated. Let’s take a walk and continue this conversation after.”

    The person I was speaking to didn’t take it well. They told me I was avoiding the conversation, abandoning their needs, and that taking a walk was a stupid idea. But in reality, they were angry because they couldn’t control my emotions or my actions like they had expected.

    So I stood up, listened to my body, and took the walk alone.

    When I returned, I felt calmer—ready to continue the hard conversation. But the other person escalated again, raising their voice and growing angrier. That’s when I realized: taking a break worked. I was in control of my emotions, and they weren’t.

    That moment was a turning point. The more I practiced, the more I noticed anger’s presence before it took over. I wasn’t perfect, but over time, the emotional explosions faded. I built healthier patterns.

    The New Me

    And then came the day I knew—without a doubt—that I had control over my anger. A loved one, struggling with deep insecurities, projected their pain onto me. In the past, I would have snapped, lashed out, or fed into the fight. But this time, something shifted. I felt the anger rise… and then it subsided before I even responded.

    I saw the situation for what it was—their pain, not mine. I remained calm, stood up for myself multiple times, and ultimately set a boundary: I needed space to process. That was the breaking point for them. They ended the relationship because they weren’t willing to respect my need for space.

    Losing that relationship hurt. The grief was real. But at the same time, I was so damn proud of myself. I hadn’t gotten defensive. I hadn’t engaged in their anger. I had given them my time, my patience, and multiple chances to work through it. Asking for space wasn’t unreasonable—anyone in my life today would understand and respect that.

    I handled it with clarity, self-respect, and emotional control.

    That friendship ended, but I walked away knowing my worth. Knowing that all the internal work I had done was real. That I managed my anger like a pro.

    And that? That was a victory.

  • Emotional Regulation: Anger

    Getting to Know Anger

    If I were to ask you what makes you angry, you could probably come up with a long list—politics, relationships, pet peeves, and so on. Most of us can easily identify external triggers.

    If I were to ask what anger looks like, you might list things like furrowed brows, crossed arms, yelling, slamming doors, or even physical violence. And while these are common expressions of anger, they aren’t anger itself. They’re reactions to anger—patterns we’ve learned over time.

    But what if we could break those patterns? Through emotional regulation, we can learn to recognize anger as it arises and remain calm enough to respond rather than react.

    Think about a time when anger led to an automatic reaction:

    Imagine you’re driving, and another car suddenly cuts you off, forcing you to slam on the brakes. If you’re anything like me, your instinct might be to lay on the horn, throw up a middle finger, yell profanities, and maybe even tailgate out of frustration—only feeling relief once they’re out of sight. 

    Sound familiar?

    Believe it or not, this reaction isn’t necessarily healthy. Many of us react this way because we’ve seen it modeled around us. But these automatic reactions don’t actually help—they just keep us stuck in cycles of stress and frustration. Emotional regulation gives us a different choice: to notice anger, understand its purpose, and respond intentionally rather than impulsively.

    Why Do We Feel Anger?

    Anger is a protective emotion. It shows up when we feel wronged, threatened, unheard, disrespected, or when something feels unfair. Anger can also reveal what we’re passionate about—what matters to us.

    Using the driving example, anger could stem from:

    • A sense of threat—your safety (or that of your loved ones) was put at risk.
    • A need for control—you were following the rules, and someone else wasn’t.
    • A feeling of unfairness—why should you have to slam on the brakes because of their carelessness?

    The truth is, anger, frustration, and irritation all serve a purpose. But if we’re not careful, unchecked anger can lead to reactions that create more harm than good.

    What to Notice

    One way to start regulating anger is by noticing how it feels in your body before it fully takes over.

    These physical changes happen before we lash out. And that’s where we have power—by catching anger in this stage, we can shift from reacting to responding.

    Anger often brings subtle physiological shifts—like early warning signs from your body:

    • Increased heart rate
    • Shallow, huffy breathing
    • Rising blood pressure
    • Clenched teeth or tight muscles
    • Flushed face or increased body heat
    • Shaking or even unexpected tears

    Shifting the Pattern

    Once we recognize anger’s early signs, we can choose how to respond. Here’s what that might look like in real time:

    🚗 A car cuts you off.
    😤 You feel anger rising—your heart pounds, your face gets hot, your muscles tense.
    🛑 Instead of reacting impulsively, you pause.
    💨 You take a deep breath.
    🤔 You think: “That was rude, but I’m glad my brakes work. Maybe they weren’t paying attention. Either way, I’m safe.”
    🎶 You turn up the music, focus on your driving, and let it go.

    By choosing to respond instead of react, you keep yourself emotionally regulated—and, more importantly, you keep yourself safe.

    And here’s the thing: your anger is still valid. That driver was careless. It is frustrating. But instead of letting them control your emotional state, you take control of your own reaction.

    Anger in Relationships

    Road rage isn’t the only place we see automatic anger reactions. Relationships—whether with friends, family, or coworkers—are occasionally a potential trigger for anger.

    Instead of getting stuck in yelling, debating, or escalating arguments, we can practice a simple but powerful tool: pausing the conversation.

    “Hey, I’m noticing that I’m feeling really elevated right now. I want to stay level-headed because this conversation is important to me. I need to take a short break, and we can pick this back up soon.”

    Stepping away allows your body to reset so you don’t say something you regret. During that time, you can:

    • Drink some water
    • Go for a short walk
    • Eat something (low blood sugar affects mood!)
    • Take deep breaths

    Final Thoughts

    Our patterns can change over time. The only way to practice emotional regulation is by experiencing these emotions in real time and choosing new responses.

    Tomorrow, I’ll be sharing personal reflections on my own anger patterns—how they used to look and how they’ve changed. Stay tuned.

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