I’m Back

April arrived with the weight of a thousand bricks. I lacked motivation and felt a heaviness that slowly dissolved into emptiness. Yup, depression decided to join me for a time. I didn’t recognize it at first- my typical bouts of depression are usually triggered by situations or events—but this time was different.

It crept in quietly. I worked with my therapist, and at one point he said, “Sounds like depression.” I was angry with him and disappointed in myself, which, of course, only deepened the spiral. But over time, I found acceptance. I’m not immune to life, after all. I named it, accepted it, adjusted my plans, and shifted my focus to gentle living.

I recently ran into a friend who asked why I hadn’t been blogging. I shared that depression had visited, and May had been wild with the kids and end-of-school activities, but reassured them I was doing better and would be writing again soon. They looked at me with compassion. Then they asked something that surprised me:

Their question felt safe, and I found myself opening up. I shared how I transitioned into a gentle living pattern—showing up as I was for what I had to do: being a mom, doing my job, being a friend. Everything else was placed on a leveled playing field. Over those 6–8 weeks of depression, I repeated a simple mantra and focused on the bare minimum. Sure, the laundry piled up and I fell behind in a few areas, but I allowed myself to rest. I listened to my body.

I pulled out my weighted blanket (which had been packed away for over a year). I did a few minutes of laid-back yoga. I made sure I ate when I was hungry. Showering stretched to every 3–4 days; but I was doing it.

“Wow, you have so much strength,” my friend said.
And it hit me; yes, I do.

I went back to basics without losing myself. I made a softer schedule. I silenced the voice demanding perfection. I used my tools, reshaped my world, and slowly, it passed. It felt like someone flipped the light switch back on.