Peer Reflections

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Category: Peer Reflections

  • What is Emotional Regulation

    In this post, we’ll explore what emotional regulation is, why it’s so challenging to define, and why processing our emotions is essential for our well-being.

    Emotional regulation is a term often used in the mental health world to describe how we manage and control our emotions “effectively.” I’ve sometimes found this definition frustrating because words like “effectively” and “socially acceptable” are subjective. What’s effective for one person might not be for another.

    Real Life Examples:

    It’s a normal day at work, and you’re called into the HR department at the end of your shift. You’re told your position is being cut, and you’re being let go. One person might respond by raising their voice, packing up their desk in frustration and disbelief. Another might cry quietly, overwhelmed by uncertainty about what’s next. Yet another might smile, feeling a sense of relief and freedom. So, which of these reactions demonstrates emotional regulation? It might surprise you to know that all three are valid.

    This idea of effective emotional management becomes even murkier when we consider how different cultures and individuals respond to the same emotions. Consider Jessica Chastain ripping off her shirt in celebration after a soccer victory. For her, it was a raw, powerful expression of joy—a moment where passion and triumph took center stage. Yet, some were offended by her display. This paradox illustrates how emotional regulation is deeply subjective, shaped not only by individual beliefs but also by cultural and societal norms.

    In one part of the world, expressing intense emotions might be celebrated—tears of joy, exuberant cheers, or even wild displays of triumph like shaking champagne bottles and spraying everyone after a championship win or shooting a gun in the air.  In another, such displays might be seen as excessive, aggressive or even disrespectful.

    Interesting Paradigm

    This makes emotional regulation a fickle concept, influenced by where you live, who you’re around, and the shared beliefs of your environment. Navigating what’s considered “appropriate” emotional expression can feel like walking a fine line. How do we balance our authentic emotional responses with societal expectations, especially when those expectations vary so widely? It’s an interesting paradigm.

    While we can’t fully untangle the paradox of emotional regulation, it’s important to acknowledge its complexities as we explore the topic. Emotional regulation isn’t about following a rigid rulebook of ‘acceptable’ behavior—it’s about noticing, validating, and processing our emotions in ways that support our well-being. Left unchecked, emotions can grow into larger challenges, but when tended to, they become tools for understanding ourselves and connecting with others.

    In next week’s Peer Reflections post, we’ll explore some common myths about emotions, breaking down misconceptions that might be holding you back from embracing your emotional responses.

  • Welcome to February: Emotional Regulation

    Life Before Emotional Regulation

    I’ve always been told that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Growing up, this wasn’t just a casual observation—it was a fact of life. A moment my family loves to bring up, now a running joke, is a memory that has lived rent-free in my mind for years. 

    When I was a child, maybe a preteen, my family attended one of my brother’s little league baseball games. My parents had recently bought a camcorder, and they brought it along to capture memories to share with my grandma. I was sitting on the ground, knees pulled up to my chest, holding a purple Blow Pop. At some point, the camera panned to me, and my mom or dad said, “Say hi to Grandma!”

    I looked up with the most annoyed expression in the world and, in the flattest tone imaginable, said, “Hi, Grandma. I’m feeling fine.” The sarcasm in my voice was unmistakable. I was clearly not “fine,” and whatever had upset me was written all over my face.

    Even as an adult, I carried this inability to hide my emotions. I’d attend events out of obligation, and people could immediately tell I wasn’t okay. I couldn’t put on a mask or fake a smile—it just wasn’t in me. But the problem went deeper than just looking annoyed or upset.

    I wore my emotions so much so that I allowed them to control my actions and moods. When I was crabby or frustrated, I’d snap. My emotions were explosive, and I felt out of control. So many times, it felt like my heart was wrapped in a suffocating wool sweater. Nothing I did seemed to calm me down. Once, I snapped at my child for chewing their food too loudly. I was tightly wound, and the smallest misstep or breath would ignite the volcano inside me. My emotions were explosive and I felt out of control.

    The Turning Point

    Fast forward 10 years. I found myself in a day treatment program, trying to make sense of my emotions and behaviors. Each day began with a group meeting, where we’d sit in a large circle and answer a series of questions designed to help us explore our emotional states and intentions for the day.

    One of the questions we’ve already discussed is, What is one thing you are grateful for? (You can read more about gratitude here). This month, though, we’re going to focus on another important question that was asked of us each day: What are you feeling today?

    This question, along with others that were asked, laid the foundation for deeper self-awareness. But it wasn’t just about answering the question—it was about understanding what I was feeling and, more importantly, why I was feeling that way.

    At first, this question stumped me. Much like gratitude, I struggled to answer it. Some days, I felt like a toddler trying to name my emotions, fumbling for the right words. It might sound silly—a grown woman in her thirties unable to describe her feelings—but it was my reality. Looking back, it’s no wonder why day treatment was recommended for me.

    There was one rule in this exercise: we couldn’t say good, fine, bad, or okay. These were my go-to responses, and suddenly, I was forced to dig deeper.

    Setting the Stage for Emotional Regulation

    That simple, yet profound question—What are you feeling today?—was the beginning of my journey toward understanding emotional regulation. It laid the groundwork for me to not only recognize my emotions but to label them, process them, and ultimately manage them.

    Through this month and next, we’re going to explore the concept of emotional regulation. We’ll talk about the importance of identifying our emotions, the balance it brings to our hearts, and the tools we can use to navigate emotional storms. Together, we’ll start building a foundation for greater emotional awareness and well-being.

    Stay tuned as we dive deeper into the how and why of emotional regulation. It’s not just about answering a question—it’s about transforming the way we understand and handle our emotions.

  • Closing January: Gratitude as a Foundation

    We’ve reached the final week of January, and this month has been all about exploring the skill of gratitude. The process may have seemed slow at times, but breaking things down into small, manageable steps allows us to truly understand what gratitude is as a practice and why it can be so beneficial to begin. Gratitude is simple, personal, and transformative.

    Taking the time to reflect and set our intentions for our own gratitude journey gives the practice meaning and purpose in our lives. It isn’t about perfection or meeting some external standard; it’s about finding those small moments that bring light and warmth, even in the darkest times.

    Now that we’ve laid the foundation together, it’s time to shift gears. But please know that gratitude will remain a central part of this space. Every Wednesday, I’ll continue to share Gratitude Reflections—posts dedicated to my own gratitude journey, insights, and the lessons I’ve learned. I hope these reflections will inspire and encourage you to keep exploring gratitude in your own life, too.

    Why We Began with Gratitude

    Gratitude was the first skill that truly changed my life during some of my darkest mental health struggles. It was the practice of gratitude that helped me shift from a pattern of negative thinking to a more optimistic and hopeful mindset.

    That’s why I chose to start with gratitude here on the blog. It’s a foundational skill, one that can help pave the way for other skills and practices we’ll explore together. By taking the time this month to focus on gratitude, we’ve laid the groundwork for what’s to come.

    Looking Ahead to February

    As we move into February, our focus will transition to understanding emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is a crucial skill for managing mental health and navigating life’s ups and downs. While gratitude helps us shift our perspective, emotional regulation helps us manage and respond to the emotions we experience along the way.

    This doesn’t mean we’re leaving gratitude behind—it will continue to weave through everything we discuss. Each skill we explore builds on the last, creating a toolkit you can use to support yourself in your journey.

    Thank you for being here this month as we’ve explored gratitude together. I hope you’ve found moments of inspiration and connection in the process. Let’s carry the light of gratitude forward as we take our next steps into February.

  • The Practice of Gratitude

    The first step in practicing gratitude is noticing. Our busy lives often become so routine that we stop paying attention to the little things—the smell of coffee brewing, a kind smile from a loved one, or a fleeting moment of quiet before the day begins.

    When I started practicing gratitude, I didn’t overhaul my routine or carve out hours for reflection. Instead, I found a simple way to integrate it into my day. Every morning, as I poured my coffee, I would pause for just a few seconds to think of one thing I was grateful for. Some days, it was as small as the warmth of the mug in my hands.

    I once knew someone who had a powerful yet subtle way of practicing gratitude. Whenever they shared about the difficult things in life, they would place a hand over their heart. When I asked about this, they explained it was their way of expressing gratitude in the moment—thankful that others were willing to share their struggles, which helped them feel less alone. Other times, it was gratitude for the challenges they were facing, recognizing that their burdens could be more overwhelming. This small, personal gesture spoke volumes without anyone else needing to know its significance.

    How to Get Started

    Life is busy. Most of us operate on autopilot—waking up, rushing through our mornings, working long hours, and juggling endless responsibilities. By the time the weekend arrives, we’re either too exhausted to enjoy it or scrambling to meet other obligations.

    Our routines are full, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s within those routines that we can begin to practice gratitude. It doesn’t require a complete lifestyle change or a big time commitment—just a small moment to pause and notice.

    Before diving into gratitude practices, I encourage you to reflect on your intention. Why do you want to practice gratitude? For some, it’s tied to their spiritual or religious beliefs. For others, it’s about learning to live in the moment or bringing more joy into their daily lives. Setting your intention can make the practice more meaningful and keep you grounded as you begin this journey.

    Once you’ve set your intention, explore the many ways to practice gratitude. And remember, make these practices your own. For example, if you aim to write down three things you’re grateful for each day but miss a day (or two), don’t let it discourage you. Life is busy, and this journey isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. There’s no such thing as failing at gratitude. Each small effort is a step toward greater awareness and appreciation.

    Methods of Exploring Gratitude

    Gratitude is a deeply personal practice, and there’s no “one size fits all” approach.

    A friend of mine, when starting her gratitude journey, created a mind map. She wrote the word Grateful in the center of a page and branched out to different areas of her life—family, work, nature, and small joys—writing down something in each category she could appreciate.

    Another friend kept it even simpler: every time someone held the door open for them, they silently practiced gratitude in that moment.

    Both approaches worked because they felt natural and sustainable for each person’s lifestyle. Gratitude is most impactful when it aligns with your daily rhythm.

    Ideas for Practicing Gratitude

    • Journaling: Write down three things you’re grateful for at the end of each day.
    • Lists: Keep a running gratitude list on your phone or in a notebook.
    • 3-Second Pause: Mentally name one thing you’re grateful for before starting a new task.
    • Gratitude Jar: Write small notes of gratitude throughout the week and drop them in a jar. Reflect on them later.
    • Letters of Appreciation: Write a letter to a loved one expressing your gratitude for their presence in your life.

    Your Turn

    If you feel comfortable, share your intentions. What do you hope to gain from practicing gratitude? Are there methods you’re excited to try? Or, if you’ve been practicing gratitude for many seasons, what adjustments have you made as your journey evolved?

  • Gratitude Through Curiosity

    What is Gratitude?

    What is gratitude? Gratitude is having or expressing feelings of appreciation or thankfulness for anything; a person, an object, a place, a thought or even an action performed by yourself or another human or animal. Some examples might include saying thank you when someone opens the door for you. Letting a friend know you are grateful that they listened to or supported you during a difficult time. Further examples include; being thankful for hot water so you don’t have to take a cold shower. Appreciation for the sun shining after 3 weeks of snow and clouds. 

    Why Start a Gratitude Practice?

    For some of us, knowing the “why” or purpose behind a practice can help us lean in. So, let’s explore some reasons to consider gratitude—not as a solution, but as a tool for healing and growth.

     When I first started my gratitude journey, I had some doubts. I often wondered, Is this even worth my time? I wasn’t necessarily stubborn, but I also didn’t want to get caught up in the hype. Gratitude felt like a buzzword. I can look back and now see that I wasn’t fighting the idea of a gratitude practice but being curious and wondering if the practice would be with my time? What would I gain? Why should I begin?

    The options of gratitude are limitless; yet at times it feels nearly impossible to find gratitude inside. This is where practicing gratitude as a skill can be of some help. Gratitude is a skill that stands apart. Unlike other practices, it doesn’t come with consequences if we forget to use it. It doesn’t rely on anyone else, and it can be done quietly, just for ourselves. Gratitude is simple, personal, and transformative.

    Reason 1: Gratitude is Personal


    Gratitude is a deeply individual practice. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, and that’s part of what makes it so powerful. You don’t have to keep a journal if that doesn’t resonate with you, nor do you have to share your gratitude with anyone else. It can remain private, tucked away in the quiet spaces of your mind.

    The beauty of gratitude lies in its flexibility—it can adapt to your needs and preferences, whether it’s a fleeting moment of appreciation or a more structured ritual. Gratitude is also personal because what you’re thankful for will differ from what someone else values. It’s about recognizing what matters to you and finding meaning in your own way. Your gratitude practice is yours to shape, guided by your intentions and what feels authentic to your journey.

    Reason 2: Gratitude is Simple


    Gratitude doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as quick and effortless as a few seconds of thought—pausing to appreciate someone or something in your life. It’s not an all-day activity or a time-intensive hobby. Gratitude is simply the act of noticing and acknowledging what you’re thankful for, in whatever way works for you.

    There are no rigid rules or formulas to follow, no grand plans to make. Gratitude meets you where you are. Whether it’s a fleeting moment or a quiet reflection, its simplicity makes it accessible to everyone, at any time.

    Reason 3: Gratitude is Transformative

    Humans are naturally wired for negativity—it’s a survival mechanism that keeps us alert to danger. But this negativity bias can also trap us in patterns of gloom and despair. Gratitude offers a way to turn the mind toward something brighter. It doesn’t erase life’s challenges, but it helps us shift our focus, even for a moment, to what’s good. Over time, this practice can rewire our brains, fostering a healthier mental state and building resilience.

    Research supports the profound impact of gratitude on our well-being. By noticing and appreciating the good—like a friend’s kind words or a stranger holding the door open—we strengthen our mental health and cultivate a deeper sense of connection. These small moments of gratitude can accumulate, helping us feel more grounded and supported by the world around us.

    Your Turn:

    Explore your own meaning if a gratitude journey. Do you need to research  more information regarding gratitude? Do you need to tear down preconceived notions as to what you thought gratitude was and rebuild a healthy relationship with the word gratitude?.

    Tomorrow I want to take the time to share what it looked like for me as I began my gratitude journey. It started out bleak but after 7 years, I can be a testament that gratitude can indeed transform your life, if you allow it to! Please tune in to tomorrows Gratitude Reflections Post

  • Laying The Foundation

    Before We Dive In

    I am excited to share skills and tools with you, fellow readers, but before we dive in, it’s important to lay some groundwork. No structure can stand without a sturdy base, and I strongly feel it’s worth taking the time to build that foundation. This blog is not a place for quick fixes or simple solutions—it’s about meaningful, sustainable growth.

    When I talk about laying the groundwork, I don’t mean core beliefs or values—that’s the foundation of you as a person, and we’ll explore those topics later. For now, I’m talking about the foundation for growth: a willingness to notice, a spark of curiosity, and the practice of observing without judgment. These three elements are all you need to start. You don’t need to be happy or have anything figured out.

    Noticing, Curiosity and Non-Judgement

    What then is noticing? I mean developing the ability to pause and simply observe your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without immediately reacting. Non-judgment means acknowledging what you notice without labeling it as good or bad—just letting it exist. And curiosity? That’s the spark that encourages you to explore what you notice, to ask yourself questions like, ‘Why am I feeling this way?’ or ‘What might this be telling me?’

    These three skills are the foundation for growth because they help us slow down, become more present, and create space for change. They lay a foundation that allows you to understand yourself better and make informed decisions about your mental health. In future posts, we’ll explore each of these in more detail, with practical tips to help you incorporate them into your life.

    Being Swept Away

    For the longest time, I felt like I was being carried along by a current—no line of sight, no equipment, just being swept away. I bumped into anything in my path, not even caring if it hurt. There were moments I struggled to breathe, even hoping the water would pull me under so everything could end.

    But there came a moment—a small but pivotal moment—when something inside me stirred. It wasn’t a grand epiphany or a sudden surge of strength. It was just the tiniest flicker of courage, enough to make me wonder: What if I could get out of this river? I didn’t have tools, and I had no idea what lay beyond the banks. But even with all that uncertainty, I decided to fight the current and forge my own path. The road ahead was unknown, but for the first time, I made a choice. And that choice changed everything.

    Looking back, I can see how starting with those three foundational skills—just noticing, being curious, and holding back judgment—helped me begin to shift. They didn’t fix everything overnight, but they gave me something to hold onto, a way to start navigating the current instead of being pulled under by it.

    Growth Is A Process

    Our culture thrives on instant gratification: “I tried it for five minutes, and it didn’t work, so it must not work for me.” This mindset keeps us stuck. Growth is a process—it takes time, effort, and yes, even failure. But I don’t want this reality to discourage you. Instead, I hope to share my process—moving from oblivion about my mental and emotional needs to intentionally applying these skills, even when I stumbled or fell off track.

    It’s not about perfection. It’s about showing up, trying, and making adjustments along the way. It took me seven years to go from despair to thriving, and I want to be real about that journey. Your personal growth is worth the time and effort it takes to build this foundation.

    So let’s start with the basics. I’ll break things down one idea at a time, moving deliberately and intentionally. These skills can feel slow at first, but they create a foundation that will support everything that comes next. You are worth the effort it takes to build a better life—and I’ll be here to guide you every step of the way.

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  • Behind Peer Reflections

    Digital Art by Shannon

    Hello again, friends. In this post, I want to share a bit more about myself, the person behind Peer Reflections, and how my journey led me here. I believe our stories connect us, and through sharing mine, I hope you’ll feel inspired and understood as you navigate your own.

    My Journey to Here

    Years ago, I found myself in one of the darkest periods of my life. Depression, panic attacks, and overwhelming anxiety consumed me. I wrestled with thoughts that terrified me and eventually reached a breaking point. With the encouragement of my therapist, I entered a day treatment program, a decision that would change everything.

    At first, I wasn’t sure how much I could take from the program. I felt broken and unsure if healing was possible. But the staff’s authenticity and unwavering support planted a small seed of hope. They met me where I was, validating my pain and encouraging me to try. Slowly, I began to apply the skills I was learning, tweaking them to fit my life, and over time, I started to notice changes.

    Graduating from that program was a milestone, and not long after, I was offered the opportunity to serve as a Peer Support Specialist. It felt like a calling. Encouraging others, sharing my lived experience, and helping people see their own strength came naturally to me. I was able to hold space for others, cheering them on in their healing journey, just as others had done for me. It was deeply rewarding, but also challenging in ways I hadn’t anticipated.

    While working as a Peer Support Specialist, I learned some of the most important lessons of my life: the value of boundaries, the necessity of self-compassion, and the courage it takes to prioritize your own healing. These lessons ultimately led me to step back from that role and focus on rebuilding myself. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.

    Why I Created Peer Reflections

    Through everything, I’ve come to believe that our stories—our reflections—are powerful. They show us where we’ve been, how far we’ve come, and where we hope to go. Peer Reflections is my way of creating a space where those reflections can happen safely and without judgment. A place where we celebrate bravery, growth, and the beautiful messiness of being human.

    Although I won’t dive too deeply into specifics right now, I have been diagnosed with mental health challenges that have shaped my journey. These diagnoses are part of my story, but they don’t define me. Instead, they’ve taught me resilience, self-awareness, and the importance of tending to our mental health with care and compassion

    This blog is a continuation of my journey, a way to connect with you and share the tools, insights, and hope I’ve gathered along the way. Together, I believe we can create a community that uplifts and inspires each other to keep going, even when the road feels impossible.

    Thank you for being here, for taking the time to read, and for being open to reflecting alongside me. I can’t wait to see where this journey takes us.

    With courage,
    Shannon

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  • Welcome To Peer Reflections

    imagery of my peek into my heart: looking beyond the surface to uncover the beauty, complexity, and potential within each of us.
    Photo by Shannon

    Welcome to Peer Reflections!

    Greetings, dear readers! I’m Shannon, and I’m so thrilled to welcome you to Peer Reflections, a space crafted with heart, hope, and authenticity. This blog is a labor of love inspired by my personal journey through mental health recovery and my experiences as a Peer Support Specialist. Whether you’re beginning your journey, deep in the trenches, or seeking to learn more about personal growth and mental wellness, this space is for you.

    What Is Peer Reflections?

    At its core, Peer Reflections is about connection and introspection. “Peer” reflects the idea of holding space for one another with compassion, understanding, and empathy. As someone who has walked the path of mental health challenges, I know the power of being supported by someone who truly gets it—someone who has lived through pain and emerged with hope. “Reflections” represents the brave act of looking within ourselves—even when it’s hard—to grow, heal, and become more aligned with who we truly are. This blog will weave these two ideas together, fostering a supportive community and encouraging self-discovery.

    The Purpose of Peer Reflections

    This blog exists to encourage and empower you to do the work—to explore the parts of yourself that might feel scary or uncomfortable. It’s about finding the courage to notice unhealthy patterns, challenge core beliefs that no longer serve you, and celebrate the victories along the way. Through personal stories, practical tools, and hard-won lessons, I aim to create a space that is:

    • Encouraging: Cheering you on as you navigate your path.
    • Validating: Offering empathy and understanding, no matter where you are in your journey.
    • Supportive: Sharing real-life strategies that worked for me (and the moments they didn’t).
    • Compassionate: Reminding you that growth takes time and that every step forward matters.

    Why I’m Here

    My journey into mental health recovery began when I joined a support group filled with people who celebrated my little wins and reminded me that I wasn’t alone. It was there that I learned the value of showing up for myself, even when it was hard. Years later, as a Peer Support Specialist, I had the privilege of holding space for others in the same way. Now, through Peer Reflections, I’m bringing that same spirit of authenticity and support to this community.

    What to Expect

    In the posts to come, I’ll share insights from my personal journey, including the skills I’ve learned and adapted along the way. We’ll explore topics like gratitude, emotional regulation, grounding, and finding joy in hobbies. I’ll also share practical exercises and tools to help you build a life filled with meaning and purpose. My goal is to encourage you to embrace your unique path and celebrate the small wins that lead to lasting change.

    A Peek Into My Heart

    Imagine standing at the edge of a lake on a star-filled night. As you gaze at your reflection in the water, you see not only your own image but also the beauty of the world around you—the stars, the aurora dancing above, and the wonder beneath the surface. That’s the essence of Peer Reflections for me: looking beyond the surface to uncover the beauty, complexity, and potential within each of us.

    Thank you for being here. I’m honored to share this space with you and can’t wait to see where this journey takes us. Let’s reflect, grow, and celebrate together—one step at a time.

    With Courage,
    Shannon

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