Emotional Regulation: Sadness

Getting to Know Sadness

Sadness is an emotion we all experience, yet it remains one of the most complex and misunderstood. Many assume sadness is simply about tears—crying when we grieve. And while grief is generally accepted, it often comes with an unspoken time limit. When we lose someone we love, there’s an expectation to mourn, but only for so long. Eventually, the world expects us to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move on. Sadness has been placed in a box—acknowledged, but rarely explored beyond the surface.

What does sadness feel like?

But sadness isn’t just about crying. It’s often linked to depression because many of their symptoms overlap. Sadness can look like a quiet withdrawal, struggling to laugh or smile, speaking in softer tones. It can mean feeling detached, sleeping more, losing motivation, and finding it hard to keep up with routines. It can manifest as exhaustion—both physical and emotional.

When someone dies, people expect sadness, but not everyone reacts the same way. Not everyone cries when they hear about the loss of a loved one. Sometimes, sadness is a deep emptiness—an ache in the pit of your stomach, a longing so intense it feels like your heart is physically breaking. And the agony that comes with it? It can feel unbearable, like you might actually die from the weight of it. This isn’t an exaggeration; for many, it’s a very real and visceral experience. Yet, it’s rarely talked about or fully understood.

Types of sadness

Sadness and grief aren’t just tied to death. We grieve in so many ways—over the loss of a pet, the end of a friendship, moving away, or even setting a boundary that someone else doesn’t accept. Sometimes, grief follows happy moments too, like reaching a milestone or closing a meaningful chapter in life. The end of something good can still bring a sense of loss.

Sadness is vast and layered, and it deserves more understanding. Instead of brushing it aside or trying to rush through it, maybe we need to sit with it—get to know it, listen to what it’s telling us, and allow ourselves to feel without judgment.

Coping with Sadness

When we take the time to get to know sadness it can reveal  the things that matter to us, it can show us where we need to adapt or make changes. Sadness can teach empathy and how to support others.  It is a privilege to have closure, but many things in this life we grieve don’t give us the luxury of closure and so I’ve found that taking the time to create closure for myself has been helpful.

Allow Yourself the Time and Space to Grieve
Sadness needs room to breathe. It’s okay to not “bounce back” right away. Giving yourself permission to grieve—without rushing or minimizing your feelings—can be deeply healing. Whether that looks like a quiet afternoon alone, crying it out, or simply naming what you’re feeling, this space allows your heart to process what it’s carrying. Taking time to reflect on the meaningful moments or the lessons learned can gently support the healing process and offer comfort as you move forward.

Honor What Was Lost
Sometimes, creating a tangible way to honor a loss can bring comfort and meaning. Planting a plant, writing a letter to express what you didn’t get to say, or gathering keepsakes into a memory box, helps externalize the pain and reflect on what mattered. These small acts can become sacred spaces for healing, allowing you to carry the memory with tenderness instead of only pain.

The one thing about grief that I want to share is that it tends to show up when you least expect it. Even if you said good bye and went through a mourning period, grief can choose to show up whenever it wants. And these are the times that I struggle with most with grief. I’ve had to change plans because I needed more time. While visiting with a friend grief showed up and kind of spoiled that time but I learned that the people currently in my life, although they might not understand the pain of grief and to the level I feel it, they loving hold space for me and support me-even when triggers of grief arrive.