A Journey Through Core Emotions
For the next several weeks, we’ll be exploring emotional regulation through primary emotions: anger, happiness, sadness, and fear. These emotions are widely recognized as the most universal emotions. Of course, emotions are complex and layered, but these will provide a firm foundation for understanding how we experience and regulate them.
Starting From Scratch
It might feel strange to start from scratch. I don’t know about you, but I’m in my 40s, and honestly, I never really took the time to learn what each emotion meant for me—where I felt it in my body, how it showed up, and what it made me feel like. Instead, I grew up being told what emotions should look and feel like. It wasn’t until I was in day treatment that I took the time to understand emotions with fresh eyes and an open mind.
Going back to the basics—being curious and noticing—helped me reach an important stage: labeling my emotions. This allowed me to eventually understand what I needed in those moments, whether that was comfort, space, or a way to calm myself down. This is the same process that children are introduced to in preschool and kindergarten, yet many of us never got the chance to fully integrate it into our adult lives.
But emotions are tricky. Even when we think we have them figured out, they evolve, showing up in new ways. At one point, the idea of never fully solving the “puzzle” of emotions terrified me. And, to be honest, I still don’t always welcome my emotions with open arms. But I’ve become less afraid of looking inward and being honest with myself—and that, in itself, is a huge step. We’ll get into those deeper layers later this year, but for now, let’s focus on the foundation.
What is emotional regulation?
Emotional regulation isn’t about controlling or suppressing emotions—it’s about noticing, understanding, and responding to them in ways that support our well-being. It’s about recognizing what’s happening inside of us before we react, so we can make choices that align with our values rather than acting on impulse. It’s not about being less emotional—it’s about being more aware of what our emotions are telling us.
This process starts with three key things:
- Noticing – Taking a step back to observe what we’re feeling, where we’re feeling it in our bodies, and how it’s showing up.
- Curiosity – Approaching our emotions with a sense of wonder rather than judgment. Instead of thinking, I shouldn’t feel this way, we can ask, Why am I feeling this? What is this emotion trying to tell me?
- Non-Judgment – Allowing ourselves to feel without labeling emotions as “good” or “bad.” All emotions serve a purpose. The goal isn’t to avoid difficult emotions but to navigate them with compassion.
Looking Ahead
Over the next several weeks, we’ll explore each of these core emotions in depth, breaking them down into:
- What they are and why they matter
- How they show up in our bodies
- The difference between the emotion itself and our reactions to it
- How noticing these emotions early can help us regulate them
- Tools to navigate them in a healthier way
Each week will focus on one emotion, starting with anger—an emotion that many of us struggle with but one that, when understood, can actually be a powerful tool for self-awareness and boundary-setting.
This isn’t about fixing or changing how you feel—it’s about building awareness so that you can respond to your emotions in ways that feel right for you.
I hope you’ll join me on this journey, and if you have thoughts, reflections, or experiences you want to share, I’d love to hear them. Let’s start by getting curious together.
Leave a Reply